Memoirs, Through Amber-Colored Glass

2011-01-29T12:29:00.001-07:00

A Year Later

2010-03-13T13:17:00.002-07:00

Wow - completely forgot about this thing.

Too much to catch you up on, so you get bullet points:

After Colorado, I went back to OKC for a few months
Went to NJ for training for a couple of months
Moved to DC and put the house on the market
Went to Iraq for 6 months - 6 weeks after I arrived in DC
Took my house off the market after getting a year long lease offer
Went back to DC and went to the Carribean on a cruise <--- fantastic
Working in DC for 6 months
Will be heading to Israel in May/June
Will be heading to Afghanistan in August

That's about it. :0

THOUGHTS ON 2009: A GREAT DEPRESSION ???- Eddie Chumney

2008-12-27T21:36:00.006-07:00

Ok, here is a little commentary (ok, rather long commentary) I read this evening regarding some of the financial "crisis" and biblical prophesy... A bore for some of you I'm sure, but rather interesting for those who enjoyed "Apocalyptic Discourse." - This guy has written several books that are rather interesting as well.

THOUGHTS ON 2009: A GREAT DEPRESSION ???- Eddie Chumney

Dear Mishpochah (family):

Witnessing the current worldwide economic crisis, many are wondering ... what is the significance of it? Some people think it is just another downturn in the business cycle. For those who believe this way, they like to make estimates for us about when the 'recession' will end and what is the bottom in the stock market. To them, they believe that some of the usual business cycle remedies will allow the economy to recover again. Normally, this remedy consists of two things:

#1) Monetary stimulus (lowering interest rates and printing more money)

#2) Fiscal stimulus (congress borrowing money)

Regarding monetary stimulus, the Federal Reserve has dropped the 'Fed Funds' rate from around 5% to now nearly 0%. However, things aren't getting any better in the USA or around the world.

Regarding fiscal stimulus, the US government during 2008 decided to make $600 - $1200 available as a 'tax rebate'. The 'tax rebates' didn't make things any better.

The upcoming Obama adminstration is pledging to pass a massive fiscal stimulus package of at least $700 billion dollars. If the Obama administration does pass a fiscal stimulus package, it won't help to make things better in the USA or around the world either.

WHY MONETARY AND FISCAL STIMULUS WON'T WORK THIS TIME

The fiscal and monetary measures which are being tried won't work this time. They are just 'window dressing' to try and make it appear that 'they' (President, Congress and the Federal Reserve) care about the problem and are trying to do something about it. Even though our politicians and Federal Reserve policy makers fail us over and over, most Americans still want to believe and trust in them. However, since most Americans don't understand basic macro economics and the working of monetary policy, they will believe (for a while until the recession becomes a depression) that our 'powers to be' are trying to help solve the problem. They won't understand why the solutions attempted are not working.

The US and world economy will fail for one main reason. That reason is that banks have stopped making money available (lending) to those who need it to keep the economy going.

You see, it doesn't make any difference if interest rates are near zero if the banks aren't lending money. It doesn't make any difference if the Federal Reserve prints more and more money if the banks don't lend the money. Banks failure to lend money to individuals and businesses who need the money is what causes the economy to go into a depression.

Expanding the money supply and banks freely lending to individuals and businesses who are credit worthy is what causes the economy to grow and expand. Decreasing the money supply causes the economy to contract. At this moment, the Federal Reserve is MASSIVELY INCREASING the money supply. So, this is not the problem. The problem is that banks worldwide are failing to make money available to individuals and businesses who are credit worthy. If banks fail to make loans available to credit worthy individuals and businesses on a macro scale then this is what causes a depression.

Here are links to several articles indicating that banks aren't making credit available.

#1) Kuwait Investment House defaults for lack of available credit

#2) US House Builders can't get credit

#3) Worldwide shipping industry can't get credit

WHY DO CENTRAL BANKERS WANT THE WORLD ECONOMY TO FAIL?

Our present global economic system is based upon Bretton Woods model established after WW 2. Bretton Woods was a gold based monetary system. It established global institutions such as the (IMF: International Monetary Fund and IBRD - World Bank) to work with and help govern the monetary policies of nation states. A detailed explanation of the Bretton Woods financial model can be found here:

In 1971, President Nixon took the USA off the gold standard from which the Bretton Woods model was based. This caused the US dollar to become the 'reserve currency' of the world.

Eventually, the currencies of nation states were allowed to "float". This made it increasingly easier to manipulate the value of the currencies of nation states. Macro manipulation of the currencies of nation states (what is happening in this present economic crisis) creates instability in the world's financial system.

In 1973, the Trilateral commission was born.

In 1980, Holly Sklar wrote a book about the Trilateral Commision. It is entitled: "The Trilaterial Commission and Elite Planning for World Management".

The basic idea of the Trilaterial commission is to begin the process to 'regionalize' the world as a stepping stone to world government.

The "Tri" in Trilaterial Commission is: Europe, the USA and Asia. The goal would be to regionalize the world into trading blocs with its own currency and regional government. Europe became the first to establish this model. Europe now has a common currency, a European Parliament and Constitution.

The regional trading blocs following the European model is now being developed all around the world. There has been much debate about the "North American Union". This proposed new "North American Union" (consisting of Canada, USA and Mexico) is now being called the "Security and Prosperity Partnership". There is a website for the SPP:

There is now a "Mediterranean Union".

Most likely, a future peace agreement between Israel and the PLO will seek to merge the European Union and Mediterrean Union.

This effort was originally called the "Euro- Mediterranean Partnership".

It seeks to achieve a peace agreement between Israel and the PLO.

This is why there is such an intensified effort for Israel and the PLO to reach a peace settlement. The ultimate goal is economic integration of the European Union and the Mediterranean Union.

In order to help to ensure this peace agreement, the United Nations passed UN Resolution 1850 on December 16, 2008.

There are discussions about creating an African Union.

There are plans to create an Asian Union.

In order to follow the European model, newly formed regional trading blocs need to have their own common currency. In order to help the people of the world to accept the European model in their own region of the world, they have to see a 'need' for it. That 'need' comes from the planned collapse of the Bretton Woods system and of the national currencies of countries in various designated regional trading blocs.

The "collapse" of currencies around the world becomes inevitable when the 'reserve currency' of the world - the US dollar - collapses and cannot maintain its status and confidence of the world trading system for it to be the 'reserve currency' of the world.

The collapse of a nations currency comes about when the debt of a nation state (in this case the USA) becomes so large that others lose confidence in the currency of that nation state (in this case the US dollar) who has that debt. The USA is now the world's largest debtor nation. So, what does our government try to tell us is the solution to our economic problems? You got it: more debt.

How do other nations show that they have lost confidence in our currency (the US dollar) and our debt which is tied to the value of our currency? It is simple. They no longer desire to finance the debt. Right now, the debt of the USA is being unattractive to foreign investors. What makes it unattractive? The answer is a low rate of return (a 10 year government bond is now yielding less than 3%) and a lack of confidence in the US economy and its financial system (because of rising job losses, business and banking failures) caused by banks not willing to lend money to credit worthy individuals and businesses.

IS 2009 THE YEAR OF THE COLLAPSE OF THE US DOLLAR ?

There are many well respected people who are forecasting the collapse of the US dollar in 2009 (for those who truly understand the relationship between macro economics, monetary and fiscal policy -- it really doesn't take a genious to realize the US dollar will eventually collapse -- it is only a matter of time).

Among them are 'Trend Forecaster' (Gerald Celente).

There is an organization based in Europe (a think-tank) that releases information about Global economic trends who predicts that the US dollar will collapse and the US government will not be able to pay its debt in 2009.

The collapse of the US dollar is mentioned in the October 2008 edition.

Pravda (the Russian news agency) reports that the 'Amero' will replace the US dollar when it collapses in 2009.

Russian Foreign Ministry sources are reporting that the USA "Council on Foreign Relations" (which some believe is the 'Shadow Government' of the USA) has stated that the US dollar will collapse by the summer of 2009.

A recent United Nations reports suggests that the US dollar will have a 'hard landing' in 2009.

In an interview with Charlie Rose, Henry Kissinger suggests that the current economic crisis would be an excellent opportunity to bring about a new "political and economic international order".

The book of Revelation mentions several times about the fall of economic / commercial Babylon. Since WW2, the USA has been the "head" of the effort to globalize the world. So, the USA is the HEAD of the "beast". In Revelation 13, the "head" of the beast gets wounded. I believe that the economic collapse of the USA through the collapse of the US dollar and the US government unable to pay its bills, will result in the formation of world government with a world currency (the wound being healed).

World government is one of the two signs of Revelation 12 which indicates the start of the 'Great Tribulation' and the final 3 1/2 years before Yeshua sets His feet down on the Mount of Olives (Zechariah 14:4).

THE TESTIMONY OF PASTOR LINDSEY WILLIAMS

Before October 2008, I never heard of Pastor Lindsey Williams. One day, I discovered him on 'You Tube'. Pastor Williams has an interesting testimony. Briefly, his testimony is as follows:

Pastor Lindsey Williams is an older person. He wrote a book entiled,"The Energy Non-Crisis". In the book, he made the claim that there is plenty of oil in the world and that the 'shortage' is 'sold to the public' to help to achieve the ultimate goal of the global elite whose goal is world government.

In June, 2008, he reported that he got a call from a global elitist executive. Lindsey reported that he was told by this executive that he had 'crossed the line' and was saying things that he wasn't supposed to say about the plans and purposes of the global elite. As a result, Lindsey 'obeyed' the 'concerns' of the global elite that they had against him and removed those objectionable things from his book and publications and closed down his website.

After this, Pastor Williams decided to have a 'friendly' conversation with this global elitist executive and asked him what could be expected of the next 12 - 18 months.

One of the first things that he was told was that oil would drop from nearly $150 a barrel to $50 a barrel. Oil is now around $35 a barrel.

Pastor Williams shared this testimony initially on July 9, 2008 when oil was still around $140 a barrel. It can be seen here:

Furthermore, Pastor Williams has a presentation where he lets people know what he was told and thus expects to happen in the next 12 months.

After being told that oil would go to $50 a barrel by this globalist executive, the global executive told Pastor Williams that sometime in 2009 that the USA would experience an economic collapse that would take YEARS to recover from.

At the website, they've indicated that when the economy of the USA collapses from the collapse of the US dollar and that it will take 10 years for the US economy to recover.

HOW DO WE PREPARE?

In the past, I sent "Watchman Reports" to this e-mail newsgroup to help you follow events associated with the Middle East Peace Process, war between nations and a conflict with Iran and the economic collapse of the USA.

This was meant to help you to understand events which were happening in our world that made these mentioned items possible.

From present events, it would seem that:

#1) A Middle East Peace Agreement
#2) War Between Nations and a conflict with Iran
#3) The Economic Collapse of the USA

is closer than ever.

In the past year, I sent out several articles indicating that I believe that we were approaching the days of the "foolish virgins".

In Matthew 25, the "foolish virgins" weren't prepared for the "wedding" with Yeshua the Messiah.

At that time, I mentioned that in Jeremiah 31:10, 13 and Jeremiah 33:11 that the reunification of the 12 tribes of Israel (Ephraim and Judah: Ezekiel 37:15-28) is likened to the joy of a wedding.

In the parable of the 'Prodigal Son' (Luke 15:11-32), the 'younger son' is Ephraim who was given the birthright blessing in Genesis 48:16-19. The 'older son' is Judah. When the 'younger son' returned 'home' to be with his father (which means that he returned to following the Torah), the father celebrated with a wedding (Luke 15:22-24).

We are to prepare SPIRITUALLY for the WEDDING of the Messiah.

The 'Wedding' is the reunification of the 12 tribes of Israel.
The 'Wise Virgins' were ready for a MARRIAGE.
The 'Foolish Virgins' were NOT ready for a MARRIAGE.

When did the 'Foolish Virgins' realize that they needed to prepare? It was at MIDNIGHT (Matthew 25:6).

MIDNIGHT is a time of GREAT TRIBULATION.

GREAT TRIBULATION is a RESULT from the collapse of the world's economic system when it tries to reorganize into one world government with a one world currency.

The TRIGGER EVENT to this process to eventually establish a one world government and one world currency is the economic collapse of the US dollar and the US economy.

Revelation 12 and 13 tells us that the duration of time for the establishment of one world government and one world currency until Yeshua sets His feet down on the Mount of Olives is 3 1/2 years.

The TRIGGER EVENT (the collapse of the US dollar and the collapse of the US government to be able to pay its debt) is expected by credible sources to possibly happen sometime in 2009.

Are you SPIRITUALLY READY for the consequence of the collapse of the US dollar?

THE NEW TESTAMENT FOR DUMMIES

Most Christians don't understand the central theme of the New Testament. This central theme is the role of Yeshua to unite the 12 tribes of Israel.

Yeshua died on the tree to united the 12 tribes of Israel (John 10:16-17, 11:49-52).

In Acts 1:6, Yeshua was asked WHEN this would happen.

In Acts 1:8, Yeshua replied that it would come through an outpouring of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2) wherein His disciples would be sent into the world to proclaim the good news of Messiah to the exiles of Israel.

Paul testified that he was proclaiming in his ministry the reunification of the 12 tribes of Israel through Yeshua (Acts 26:6-7).

Many epistles were written to the exiles of Israel. For example, I Peter 1:1 was written to the exiles of the Northern Kingdom.

Here they are referred to as being 'strangers scattered'. The word 'scattered' is the Greek word, 'diaspora' which means according to the Strong's number 1290 which means 'Israelites scattered in the nations'.

The book of Revelation gives us the details of how and when this will be literally fulfilled.

In Revelation 7:13-14, the question is asked, 'Who are these who came out of the great tribulation'?

The answer in Revelation 7:16-17 is a quote from Isaiah 49:10 which mentions the exiles of Israel which specifically in Isaiah 49:10 refers to the 10 tribes of the Northern Kingdom or Ephraim.

In summary:

#1) Yeshua died to gather the exiles of Israel
#2) The Holy Spirit was outpoured to gather the exiles of Israel
#3) Paul's ministry was to the exiles of Israel
#4) Various letters in the NT was written to the exiles of Israel
#5) Revelation tells us the events which will be happening in the earth when the exiles of Israel are physically gathered to the land of Israel during the 'Great Tribulation.

In Colossians 2:16-17, Paul tells us that:

#1) The New Moon teaches about Yeshua's second coming
#2) The Sabbath teaches about Yeshua's second coming
#3) The Dietary Laws teaches about Yeshua's second coming
#4) The annual Festivals teaches about Yeshua's second coming

WHAT MAKES THE FOOLISH VIRGINS FOOLISH?

Most Christians don't know how the New Moon, Sabbath, Dietary Laws and annual Festivals teach about the second coming of the Messiah.

Most Christians don't know that the central theme of the New Testament is the role of the Messiah to gather the 12 tribes of Israel.

Most Christians don't know that Yeshua died on the tree to gather the 12 tribes of Israel.

Most Christians don't know that the book of Revelation tells us that the Messiah will be revealed to the world when He gathers the 12 tribes of Israel during a time of great tribulation upon the earth.

By not knowing these things, the 'foolish virgins' miss the 'wedding' (Messiah's second coming to gather the exiles of Israel).

The 'foolish virgins' don't even realize that they are missing a wedding until the 'midnight' hour. When they go to "buy" (try to understand what they don't' know), they aren't able to "buy".

I believe that because the collapse of the US dollar and the economic collapse of the USA is so near that we are SOON nearing the days when the 'foolish virgins' won't be able to buy.

HOW CAN YOU BE A WISE VIRGIN?

How can you be a wise virgin? By knowing how the Sabbath and Festivals teach about the second coming of the Messiah and by understanding how your faith in Yeshua as Messiah is related to His role to gather the 12 tribes of Israel.

Mark that off my List!

2008-11-02T16:50:00.005-07:00

I've kinda had an ongoing list of Colorado things I want to do while here for 7 months - and have been marking them off during my days off. I marked off visiting the Air Force Academy back in May (conveniently had a retirement there shortly after my arrival), but I really wanted to go to an AF Academy game! So, I finally went to a game a couple of weeks ago with one of my old troops who was in town visiting her family (she's from Loveland, CO).

The drum and bugle corps starting off the game

The necessary pic of the game - USAFA vs New Mexico

And now for the most entertaining pictures of the night - I was absolutely fascinated by the fact that the USAFA had cheerleaders (coed at that) and a drill team! Let me just say, I have never met an Air Force officer who was (or at least told people) they went to the Academy as was a cheerleader/drill team member.... I mean, it makes since - kinda - but I just never envisioned cadets being cheerleaders or drill team members...

Half of the cheerleaders - the other half where on the other side

The drill team

Let me be brutally honest for a moment - If I meet any of them (especially if they work with/under me), I will make fun of them for going to a serve academy and then being a cheerleader/drill team member... Not that I have anything against cheerleaders/drill team members; I don't, but you're at a service academy! Come on!

I've got one thing left on my list - snowboarding! And I've got one month left here... I think I'll be heading up next weekend/Veteran's Day with an old buddy coming to visit! I'll post pictures when we do.

Jars of Clay / Switchfoot / Third Day Concert!!!!

2008-10-24T21:06:00.007-06:00

So, Kris came up in October and we went to an awesome concert! Here's some pics - you can click on them for bigger/closer views.

Jars of Clay:

I've been a big fan since about '95-'96...old school

They wore all white - which was not flattering...

Switchfoot:

By far the best performance of the 4 bands

Fan of Switchfoot since about '97-'98 - he was awesome! Robert Randolph played with them on this song and had a sign on the front of his steel guitar that said, "Switchfoot [hearts] New Kids on the Block."

Third Day:

Mac Powell laying down the worship - also a fan since about '95-'96

Third Day with Jars of Clay and Robert Randolph - note the JoC member in the angel outfit on the right (They sang a duet of "I'll Fly Away" - we think he must have lost a bet...)

Final Tour Concert - All 3 bands together w/ Robert Randolph:

This was awesome b/c none of the bands wanted to end the tour, so we got a huge finale of all 3 jamming out together with Robert Randolph, whose band also played with the big 3.

Another Random Posting...

2008-10-18T20:48:00.006-06:00

No one chose me either, but I'm bored and have been told I don't post often enough! So here's some random crap about me...

1. Clothes Shop
I put this off as long as possible - and only do it when I have to or am really, really bored. I'm one of those who go shopping knowing exactly what they need, find it, and then leave. Please don't make me walk around aimlessly at the mall... And when I do find what I am looking for, I will grab a small and a medium (I'm between sizes on everything) and then if there are multiple color choices in it, there's a small and medium of each color... I will not waste the time to go back to try different colors after I find the right size. So, I may be getting one thing, but I may be taking in 6 of them to try on...and then I hate all 6 of them.

2. Furniture Shop
I am very picky with furniture, but then I did work at a quality furniture store for awhile, painting and staining it all after the carpenter built it - The carpenter taught me a lot about quality... My bedroom set is an antique set that I love and was sold to be at a GREAT price from my "spiritual parents". Everything else is a hodgepodge of antiques and solid (mostly mission style) wood.

3. Sweets
I will almost always pick something filling over sweet... But if it is sweet: Hot brownies or chocolate chip cookies with vanilla ice cream on top!

4. City
Hmmm...I grew up in a kinda small town, a suburb of Dallas/Ft Worth. I kinda like the suburb feel even still, living in two capitals: Oklahoma City, OK and Denver, CO. I have also lived in the middle of no-where (San Angelo, TX). I imagine I will eventually move to another state capital: Austin, TX; however, hopefully it will be a suburb!

5. Drink
Usually Lipton green tea and water...but I do have my soda cheat days on the weekend. Sad thing is I had quit cold turkey for 6 months last year - I really should do that again!

6. Music
I LOVE music - not sure why so much. No one in my family has been very "musical." But then again, none of them were really athletes either - I can't believe I'm not adopted... Anyway, give me a little of everything except the 80's retro weird crap (as you can see from the previous post). My favs: 90's-00's rock, anything with a bit of a folk/bluegrass/acoustic feel - stuff with more than 3 chords and repetitive lyrics that are not well thought out or stolen.

7. TV Series
The Office and Hell's Kitchen. Anything not involving the current politics!

8. Film
I really don't watch TV much, and even more so, films/movies... "Fried Green Tomatoes" and "Land Before Time" made me cry multiple times - come on, he licked his own shadow!

9. Workout
I'm so up and down. I try to run at least 15 miles a week - anything else is pretty sporadic these days. I plan to start the P90X series...someday.

10. Pastries
Not a big "pastry fan" - who came up with "pastries?" It's not like at (10) they had used everything else that comes to the common mind! Does blueberry muffins count - they are about 600 calories too!

11. Coffee
Please don't even make me smell it! I'm not kidding; in fact, we have two coffee pots. One for coffee and one to brew my green tea - they cannot share!

I tag Kris - and anyone else who is actually reading this who hasn't done it already.

The Day Before You

2008-10-16T21:40:00.006-06:00

I completely stole this because my BFF would have tagged me - if she tagged someone...which she did not.

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it sounds.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "YOU'RE HOT" YOU SAY?
"Demolition Man" (The Police)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE?
"Don't Stand so Close to Me" - lol (Sting)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE LONG GOAL?
"Everything you Want" (Vertical Horizon)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"Turn me On" (Nora Jones)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"A Rush of Blood to the Head" - perfect! (Coldplay)

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR LIFE?
"Signe" (Eric Clapton)

WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT?
"Who Wouldn't want to be Me" - now I'm full of myself! (Keith Urban)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR EX?
"Black" - I'm not being racist! (Pearl Jam)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON WHO LIKES YOU?
"Square One" (Coldplay)

WHAT DOES YOUR BEST FRIEND ALWAYS SAY TO YOU?
"Black and White People" - Kris, you're racist on here too! (Matchbox Twenty)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"God of Us" - I don't think this will go well (Shaun Groves)

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SAYING?
"Song for You" (Michael Buble)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Seek Up" (Dave Mathews Band w/ Tim Reynolds)

WHAT WILL BE PLAYED AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Sweetest Thing" - Dang straight! lol (U2)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
"Put it On" (Bob Marley)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"Jesus Don't want me for a Sunbeam" - sad (Nirvana)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR HOUSE?
"Like Toy Soldiers" -radio edit (Eminem)

WHAT WILL YOU NAME THIS?
"The Day Before You" (Rascal Flatts) - perhaps this would be the wedding dance...no offense DMB

Pikes Peak Hike

2008-10-13T23:25:00.007-06:00

The initial plan was to drive our bicycles to the top, drive down and park, and then hike it up - then ride our bikes down on the main road...

After we couldn't find the main road from the trail head, the plan changed to: Hike all the way up and then either hitch hike down on the main road or see if we could catch the train down. If neither, we'd huff it down...

And so we started the trail at 0730 - Did I mention I got up at 0445 to pick up Rocio and make the drive down to the Springs? It was half a mile hike just to get to the trail head from where we had to park.

And so we started our hike. I felt unseasonably warm and hiked the entire time in a t-shirt, debating on stopping and putting on shorts...more on this later.

We hiked and hiked...and hiked - and passed some neat sights. (yes, I look like a goof).

We finally got to Barr Camp, which is about 7 miles from the beginning of the trail.

It took us 3.5 hours to get there from the start. When we got there, the nice lady informed us the weather was drastically changing from the weather report we had looked up the previous evening. While it was in the 50's - low 60's where we had been hiking with a 30% chance of rain, it has turned into 100% precipitation up top with high winds. Further, we were informed that the road is often closed down and the train stopped if the weather is bad - meaning, you are on your own to hike it down in the bad weather.

While this sounded like a great challenge and story later - we also weren't prepared for this. A TX girl and a CA girl, hiking in the elements with a sweatshirt and light jacket and no real plan for getting down before dark...we decided a great story wasn't worth our misery and possible MIA status.

So we stuck around the camp for about 45 minutes eating our nasty MRE's and discussing our options. Then we decided to go ahead and hike it back down. And so we did, 15 miles total (we jogged a lot of the way down just to go with the momentum/inertia/gravity - we were pretty tired and my eyes were on fire (still, more on this later.)

We got to the bottom and decided to jump on the next train to the top - might as well, right? Lucky for us because it was the last train for the day. As soon as we got to the top and inside the little shop, a park ranger came in and made a big announcement that anyone who drove up had to get in their cars and leave. They were closing down the road and if they did not leave with his escort, their cars would be sequestered up top - and if the train was full, they would "magically transform into hikers." They then announced our train would be heading down early due to the snow and we had 20 minutes to board before departure.

When we got back on the train, they made an announcement over the radio that the "lost hiker" was found - he got on the bus and slept the whole way down...enough said.

We got back down and Rocio told me she was going to go to the bathroom before we left - nothing normally significant, except that it was at this time I realized she had gone to the bathroom several times now and I had pretty much drank my 1 liter of water in my Camelback + another 16 oz of water on the train - and still didn't have to go to the bathroom...

So we headed back up to Denver and I just wanted to go to sleep. I dropped her off and went back to my hotel where I sat in the hot tub for about 15 minutes before deciding I should just go to bed. So I did - about 9pm. Then I started waking up every 1/2 hour starting around midnight until about 11am the next day... I was running 101.5 temperature (mine is usually about 96.8 - 97, not 98.6).

I think I had been sick the whole time - at least running a fever that made me very hot, tired, dehydrated, and my eyes burn... but at least I "kinda" marked it off my list of CO things to do. My mom would be sooooo mad...(lol) We made it a little more than halfway up/down; 14 miles of the full official 25 mile round trip trail (15 miles total from/to the parking spot).

Reflections of Being Elsewhere

2008-09-28T20:58:00.009-06:00

Today I have had a lot of time to think:

I will have been away from home for 5 months on Wednesday - two more months to go before being home (forced volunteer). I have also figured out that in my current job, I have been away almost as much as I have been home (sigh). My roommate, who moved into the house a year after I purchased it, has lived in the house longer than I have.

I also have to say that this trip has been a lot easier emotionally than previous trips, but I think it goes without saying that many people become sad when they can't spend Christmas with their families - and even more so when they are alone. Well, same goes for many of us who follow the Messianic realm of "religion." As all my close friends begin to prepare for the "high Holy days": namely Rosh Hashanah this week as well as Yom Kippur and Sukkot the rest of the month, I find myself wishing I could be home with them celebrating (especially for Sukkot).

Every year for Sukkot, we pick someone's in the groups' backyard and we all camp out all week - all together in the backyard. We share meals, stories around the campfire, tents, and genuine fellowship while we reflect on the Biblical pilgrimage the Israelites took from Egypt. We get up in the morning and take turns getting ready for work, etc (on days that aren't Sabbaths) - I just go to the gym before work and get ready there.

Anyway, as crazy as it sounds to some - I'm really sad I can't take part in that with my group this year... And I'm really looking forward to having a job where I can take off my religious holidays or at least be home during them. -Because jobs where you have to start over every fiscal year (Oct 1) with no vacation and your religious holidays fall right after that and are not "Federally Observed Religious Holidays" SUCK!

Colorado

2008-09-21T14:26:00.002-06:00

In lieu of rewriting a post on my cool Colorado stuff - you can see it all on my BFF's blog. Enjoy the pics!

Click here!

My Race for the Cure - Your Opportunity to Help

2008-09-16T21:47:00.007-06:00

Hey everyone (friends and strangers alike)

I will be running in the Denver Susan G. Koman "Race for the Cure" along with my teammates from Buckley AFB on Sunday, 5 Oct. I am running in honor of both of my grandmothers who are survivors...(yes, Mammy).

I have less than 20 days to fundraise before the race - please help me raise money to help find a cure.

Did you know that one in eight women will be stricken with breast cancer in her lifetime? 75% of the funds I raise will be used for breast cancer education, screening and treatment programs. 25% of the money will be used for national research to find a cure for breast cancer.

Every $100 raised helps one woman receive a mammogram. A $250 donation will pay for five clinical breast exams, and $1,000 will help pay for one round of chemotherapy drug Taxotere.

It is easy to contribute. You can make a donation online by simply clicking the link below. Click here to visit my personal page and pledge your support!

Thanks!
Amber

For Thou Art With Us - Sara Bunting 9/14/2001

2008-09-11T12:45:00.004-06:00

I didn't really want to go downtown in the first place. I had to speak on a breakfast panel, but I didn't feel very well and I didn't like my outfit so much, and I briefly considered bagging it and going back to bed — I mean, since when do I get up at six forty-five? Since never, that's when. But, as so often happens, my ego prevailed, and I caught a cab down to the financial district. We didn't see much traffic heading down the FDR Drive, which made a pleasant change, and I jumped out at 55 Broad Street at 8:15 and headed upstairs for some pre-panel coffee.

Fast-forward an hour. I'm in the middle of mentally composing yet another "uhhh"-studded sentence of impossible convolution about perspectives in content valuation (yeah, no kidding — I don't know what I meant either), in response a point Omar Wasow has just made, when there's a loud bang from outside that makes my coffee cup jump on the table. We look out the window. We figure it's a big truck going over one of the giant metal plates Con Ed puts down in the street all the time. We shrug. We keep talking.

A runner comes in. The moderator steps outside with the runner while Bob Poncé is talking about streaming media, and she comes back in a moment later to tell us that a suicide bomber has landed a plane on top of one of the World Trade towers, and do we want to continue? I lean into the microphone to say that it's probably not that important that we keep on about content subscriptions on the Web, all things considered, and if anyone has questions, they can catch us at the coffee urn on the way out. The group breaks up. There's small talk. The moderator grabs a giant plate of bagels, and we head for the elevator.

Down on the street, Bob and I say goodbye to the moderator. Bob's a reporter, and he wants to get closer to the towers and see what's going on; I have no discernible common sense, so I follow him. I don't go to that part of town very often even when I live there full-time — maybe twice a year — so I ask Bob if the streets are usually this busy at 9:45 in the morning. "It depends, but — well, actually, no." We hang a left onto Exchange Place and see clusters of blue-jacketed traders on the street. I observe that, fifteen minutes after the opening bell, there's no way those guys should be outside. "This has to be bad," I say. Bob agrees with me.

We come up the rise to the corner where a crowd of people has gathered, all looking up, and the towers come into view — the south tower closer to us and to the left. "Ohhh, man," we both say, and "Jeeeesus Christ," and "This is not good. This is not good at all. This is f----'n bad." So dumb. So dull. We sound like frat boys when the keg is dry, but there's nothing else we can say about what we've got in front of us. In front of us, high above us, the south tower has a huge hole torn through it, a burning, screaming maw with thick black smoke pouring out. Occasionally, flames lick up one corner of the twisted mouth of the hole and then retreat, only to reappear on the other side. It doesn't seem real. It doesn't even seem that serious at first, actually, until I remember just how big the building is, how many stories high — and that the hole must therefore cover twelve stories, at least. "This isn't the kind of history I want to be present at," I say, lamely, to Bob. "Me neither," he says.

We try to figure out what happened from what the crowd is saying. "A 767," one woman says, not looking up from her camcorder. "Two of 'em. Just slammed right into the damn thing," a man offers. We continue to stand there, staring up. Papers and debris flutter down against the sharp blue of the sky, kind of like a really horrible leaflet drop. Bob and I watch, almost amused, as more people come up to the corner and have the same double-take reaction we did: "Oh, it's not gonna be that bad, a plane can't just fly into the — oh my holy God, look at that shit."

More people come to stand with us on the corner. People walk out into the street to look. The building on a hundred million postcards, panned past in establishing shots in a thousand movies, visible from my bedroom window growing up, has an angry jagged yell full of twisted steel and fire punched into its side. I don't know what else to do, so I stand there, mouth agape, and stare at it. It seems like a particularly realistic CGI rendering in a movie trailer. I try to get my brain to deal with what my eyes are telling it, but it's just not sinking in, and just then a hot fragment of something or other lands on my head, and I duck my head to shake it free, and as I do, I see a shirt cuff land gently on the sidewalk a few feet away. I stare at that, too. "Dude, look at that, this is seriously seriously bad," I start to say to Bob, who's digging in his bag for his tape recorder, but I don't have time, because I've turned my attention back to the building again, and the building has chosen that moment to die.

Everything happens at once, and yet at the same time somehow nothing happens at all for a second, as the building sighs and slumps towards us, and the top section shrugs down into the hole made by the plane, and a ring of debris and ash shoots out from where the hole starts. From the ground, it looks like the top of the building is going to come clean off and fall in our direction, but for a full two beats, we all just…stand there…admiring it: "It's coming down." But it isn't coming down, not really. It's not real. We see it, of course. But it's not happening. The building isn't coming down. The building can't come down. It wouldn't do that.

The ground begins to shake. The building groans deeply, regretfully, almost an apology for its failure to hold: "MUHHHHRUHHHHAAAAH." The building is dying. The building is sending a wave of dust and detritus to give us the bad news, and the wave is running through the streets towards us with a sad, choking sigh: "HHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA." And then all of us all at once realize that now's the time in the movie when the nameless extras run screaming, so finally, at last, as the building begins its awful death swoon, that's what we do. Well, most of us do. I settle for walking purposefully, and get knocked into a mailbox as a result. People flee to nearby buildings, stopping only long enough to grab the elbows of those who have tripped and fallen, pushing others in front of them towards the door, any door. I wind up in a revolving door at the Bank of New York, squashed into it with four other people. We are ejected stumbling into the lobby as the wave goes by. "HHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA." More people tumble in behind us, clutching onto each other, coughing, staring at nothing in disbelief.

And so we all just stand there, alive, with nowhere to go. A few people cry, but mostly we stare and stare, looking at each other, pacing, shaking our heads, clearing our throats, cursing. Dust starts to filter into the lobby, and the security guys herd us towards the elevator banks, and then away, and then out into the office area, and then away from the windows, and that's when it starts to get hectic and weird, what are we doing, does anyone know what's going on, I heard there's seven planes, if that whole thing comes down we're dead anyway, where's the vault we could hide there I think, I can't believe this I just can't believe it, I can't get a go-d-mn signal why can't I get a go-d-mn signal, can't they tell us where to go, Jesus look at that guy he's practically covered in — whatever that stuff is, how do I get an outside line, what's happening, what's happening, for God's sake what's happening, this is f---'ed totally f---'ed man, did you see that, what do I do now, I don't — I don't know what to do now.

We don't know what we've seen. Even seeing it, we didn't — see it. It's like Godzilla. It's like Independence Day, like Deep Impact. It's like the demolition footage of old Vegas hotels. And it's like nothing we have ever seen before, or wanted to see, or thought or dreamed of seeing. It isn't happening. It hasn't happened. Nothing's happening — what's happening?

We fan out into the offices beside the lobby. There's a smoke alarm going off. I find a phone on a desk that's free, get an outside line, and leave a stupid, meaningless message for my brother: "I don't know if you know what's going on down here, but I'm in the Bank of New York and — I don't think, uh, I don't think we're doing lunch today, dude. This is — I'm okay, but I don't — I don't know. Try my cell if you get this." It's the most banal voicemail ever, under the circumstances, but my mind is on autopilot, to the point where I've actually begun wondering where I might find a bathroom and whether they'll let us smoke in here. The view out the windows is nonexistent; the wave is still passing us. Dust and ash hiss against them.

Minutes pass, minutes we spend alternating between asking fervent questions and listening very hard. I meet a guy named Don. Don just came into the city via the PATH train, World Trade Center station. It's Don's birthday today. Don and I try to figure out what's going on outside. Don buttonholes a guard — where should we stand, what's the latest, where's everyone going, tell us what you know, tell us what you don't know, tell us anything at all. The guard doesn't know anything and has nothing to say. We walk over into the branch lobby, which has cleaner air. The mood is that there is no mood — null, flat. Everyone is instinctively clustering together in pairs and groups, some already knowing each other, some just meeting, and Don and I decide, without saying so out loud, to stay together — disaster "buddies," so to speak. Don has a soft-sided briefcase and a crisp business suit and a compact build, all of which project an air of neat, good-natured competence. Don laughs at my feeble gallows-humor jokes and responds with his own; Don looks like Blair Underwood a little bit, around the eyes. Don is, in short, pretty normal and nice, and I'd like him anyway, out in the world where we both used to live, so it seems like a good idea to stick with Don.

Don and I drift around the room, watching the people calling frantically, watching a woman sitting quietly on the floor with a cat carrier beside her, watching other people watching us watch them. Muttering. Listening. Praying. A man says a Hail Mary. A radio is found, and turned all the way up. We can't hear much over the smoke alarm, but the broadcaster sounds close to tears. We learn about the Pentagon. We learn about other planes. A woman warns us away from the windows where we linger: "The Stock Exchange is back there. I'd get down, I were you."

Later still, around 10:30. We can see outside now, and a few of us venture out to get the lay of the land. The land is covered with half an inch of dirt and debris, the sky and the ground all the same flat pinkish-beige. Silt is still falling. I light a cigarette. It seems wrong to smoke, in a way — disrespectful, I guess — but I don't know what else to do with myself. Knots of people stand outside, blaming Saddam, testing out possible bright sides. It's like a snowy day in Manhattan, the way people hustle down the street all huddled up against the weather, but with charred papers everywhere and sirens going like crazy. It's like The Stand, only the hundreds of us inside left, the occasional police car chirring past, kicking up a wake of dust. It's like the blizzard of '96. It's like nuclear winter. It's not like anything. The sky is blank and dusky. Ash sifts down on our shoulders and hair. A night of sorts is falling. The air feels cool. We blink a lot.

Another rumble. "I don't like the sound of that," I tell Don, but laughingly. And why shouldn't I laugh? What else could happen, after all? This didn't even happen, even though I saw it, saw the building die, heard it moan and give up, so sorry, so angry, watched it begin to fall and then turned and walked away without a single thought in my head. I didn't think. I didn't fear for my life. I didn't know what I should do, or where. I just turned around and went…elsewhere. What else could I do? What else is there? I don't know — I don't even know a thing that I just saw. How many ways can I ask "what?" and not get an answer without laughing?
Don thinks the rumbling is coming from a dusty motorcycle that is slowly and bizarrely making its way up the street. I choose to believe that — but the rumbling doesn't stop, and when the ground starts to shake again and another wave of debris crests over the top of a neighboring building, we bolt back inside. Don stuffs me in the door ahead of him, shouting, "Go! Go!" and I have a crystal-clear moment of "oh please, it's no time to hold doors for 'the ladies'" annoyance in spite of everything. It soon passes, and when we've all gotten safely back inside, I thank him. We turn to look outside, but once again, outside is gone. We wander back into the banks of desks just off of the lobby and hear on the radio that the second tower has now given way.

More chatting. More speculating. I leave Don near the radio and walk around the lobby, hoping to find a pocket of air where my cell phone will work, but the signal is fine; the system is, it appears, "busy." I don't even know who to call, really, or why, or what I would say. "I'm alive, so far"? It doesn't matter. No calls go through. The windows remain blank expanses of grainy beige. On our side of the windows, no genuine sense of what has happened, no true reaction to what we hear — except to the smoke alarm, which is redundant and stress-causing and which several of us have begun yelling at, to wit: "Oh yeah, THAT'S HELPING — someone TURN that shit OFF!"

I meet up with Don again. We know now that both towers have gone down, that it's maybe not over yet, that the entire lower half of the island is under a cloud. But the verb "to know" doesn't apply here, quite. We heard that on the radio, and from others in the room. We saw part of it. But we don't know it.

How do I know we don't know it? Well, at around eleven, when the second wave has ebbed, a (shirtless) firefighter in the lobby tells us that, if we want to leave, we should head for the water. And we head for the water. Passenger planes have come out of nowhere and slammed into giant buildings. Passenger planes have turned the Pentagon into the Horseshoe. Thousands have died, gotten crushed, while we watched, while we fled. And yet, outside we go. No helmets. No masks. I have three-inch heels on and they don't fit quite right. I can't run, I can't breathe or see very well, and still I decide to go. Well, I don't decide, exactly. I just…go. I mean, Don and I look at each other, and one of us says that it's probably no better inside than out, in the end, and then shock-addled Don holds the door open for taken-leave-of-the-senses me and we just…walk out into it.

There is now an inch of ash on the ground. Burnt papers — depositions, fax cover sheets, annotated minutes, reports with shopping lists scribbled in the margins. Bits of cloth. Chunks of wood and plastic. Mostly, though, dust. Coagulated air. Nothing for it, though. We will go. I pull my t-shirt up over my nose and unholster a Camel Light, Don claps a kerchief over his nose, and we go. First, south. Then, west. Then we consult my street map. Then we keep going. We don't walk quickly. Others, ahead and behind, proceed at the same strange zombie-ish pace. We put on our sunglasses to protect our eyes from the dust. Don picks up a piece of paper, idly, just to look at it. After a moment, he drops it as though it's too hot to hold. It's simultaneously eerily quiet and shockingly loud on the street. The whole world is one color — the color of a shadow. A fog of dust hangs low in the streets, London-style.

After a few minutes, it begins to get lighter and easier to see; the air thins a bit. The occasional police officer waves us towards the FDR Drive. They seem casual, business-like. We walk. We clamber over barriers. I hop awkwardly over a divider, still for some reason concerned about my mini, when I feel it on my shoulders — heat, heaviness.

It's the sun. The sun is out. The sun is out?

The sun is out. The sun hasn't turned on the TV today.

Don and I turn north. The police won't tell us anything, except to keep going north. Once in a while, we have to crowd over to the side and let radio cars through. There's not much talking now, just a column of dusty, rattled, dogged people five or six across, trudging uptown, squinting into the distance, trying to figure out where we can go, or ought to go. Now and then, Don and I pick up a snippet of news from a fellow refugee on the road, but we pretty much just walk and murmur to each other. We don't say anything memorable. We just walk and hear our own voices and our shoes on the pavement.

I turn to look over my shoulder. It's hot out here on the road — a clear, sunny day in late summer. Behind me, night. A pall of stormy smoke hangs over the lower end of the island, billowing up from the ground to the west, from what remains of the towers. Here, it's day. There, it's not. I turn back around.

As we approach the Brooklyn Bridge, a ferry pulls in to the pier, calling for passengers to Jersey City. That's where Don lives. We both stop, frowning, and for a moment we just stand there together as others pass us with their heads down, concentrating on going. We don't want to leave each other. Without each other, it's just us by ourselves. It seems strange and worrisome, and I sense that he wants me to go with him so we can stick together still, but I also know he knows I have to go north and finish the walk, that it's important for both of us to get to our homes. All of these thoughts come and go and we don't say any of them aloud. We shake hands, wish each other the very best of luck, although it's not a day with much of that. Don heads back towards the pier. I turn back to the hill ahead of me. I don't turn around. It's just me now, going home.

With Don gone, uncomfortable things become clearer. My feet hurt. My mouth is dry. I have just seen thousands of people die. I can't reach anyone on the phone. I have to pee. The World Trade Center is gone. Military planes shoot through the air in the distance. I want to go home. I must go home. Get home; try the phone. Get home; try the phone. That's all. That's all there is now.

Down the FDR ramp and into the streets, heading up through Chinatown. It's wild and busy, people jogging and jostling, crossing against traffic. The sirens persist. I finally get through to my mother's voicemail and pant out a message. More dialing — calling Wing Chun, calling my dad, calling my brother, seeing "system busy" on the display, trying again.

I ask a traffic officer where I should go. "Just zig up, and then zig over, and just keep goin' that way," he says. I zig. I zag. I try to think about what I've just seen, force it into my mind, but my mind keeps dodging it and hiding behind the blisters on my feet and my full bladder. I walk in the street because there's no traffic moving. Along the curbs, men sit in commercial vans with the doors open, blasting the radios so everyone can listen to the news. A few people gather around the vans; a few stand on the steps of buildings and look south with blank faces. Most of us, hundreds of thousands of us, keep walking. The war planes fly overhead. Sirens wail all around. In front of a church, the staff hands out water and orange slices, douses the overheated with water, leads people inside to talk to a priest. I consider going inside the church, where it will be cool and dry and smell of Murphy's Oil Soap, just to sit down for a minute and maybe to feel a cool hand on my forehead, but I walk on by. My feet hurt a lot. I need better shoes, and I need a bathroom, and I need to get home.

Chinatown. Everyone's out on the street here, too, but most of what they say, I can't understand. I stop at Green Garden, a restaurant, and the sympathetic hostess lets me use the ladies' room. It's a very nice ladies' room. I splash water on my face. There's ash in my hair and eyebrows, which I note dispassionately before hiking my tights back up and going back out into the street. Further up, on Mott, I stop again to buy a cheap pair of shoes, and the lady manning the booth absently quotes me a price of ten dollars. After she sees my face, my legs — coated with dust up to the knees — she'll only take a dollar. And so I continue uptown, in a black t-shirt, Burberry mini, black tights, and red-white-and-blue Sport USA shower flip-flops.

Somewhere near Lafayette and Bond, I get my mother on the phone. So far, everyone's okay. Mr. Stupidhead is okay. Dad is okay. I am okay. I walk and chat, breathless, animated, unable to describe what's happening or what happened with any coherence. "Unbelievable," I say. "You wouldn't believe it," I say. I say the words because I have to, must, should say them, should feel them, must, have to feel them, but the words don't touch me and I feel nothing. I feel the flip-flops slapping against my heels, and I feel thirsty. One hundred and ten stories telescoping in on themselves — I don't feel that. Seeing it from so close — I don't feel that either. I only feel the walking. I hear people talking, see them crying and hugging one another. I hear the radios talking about the President and the Pentagon and the terrorist campaign and the National Guard. I hear F-14s zinging through New York airspace. Sirens. Sobbing. I hear all of that. I feel none of it. I do not feel lucky to have escaped. I do not feel worry or fear. My mind is clear. No, not clear — dead. As it counts off the blocks between me and home, my mind is as silent and motionless as death.

Home. The death of the building. Home. The sun. Home. The cloud. Home. I will get home. I don't think beyond that. I don't think before that. Just that. Just home.

I slog into a deli to buy a Coke. It's not far now. There's Karim at Jean-Claude Biguine who gave me a sassy haircut yesterday. I wave to Karim. Here's the hill. Ah, the hill. Here's the light at 34th Street. I cross the street. Here's the corner. Here's the building. Here's the lobby, and the elevator. Here's the front door. Here's the bed and the desk and the window and the clothes on the floor. Here's home.

I change clothes. I write emails and place phone calls and check websites and stare dully at the television. I watch what happened, to try to prove it to myself from a dozen different angles. Here's the plane. Here's the next plane. Here's the collapse of the first tower, and then the second. Here's the hulking smoking Pentagon and the President on the run. Here's the bang and the fire and the smoke and the unbelievable unbelieving screams on the ground. I watch. My mind lies quiet.

I have come home, but this is now not home. It is not safe, or familiar. It is where I live, a place I know, but it is not home. I call my mother again: "I'm coming home." "Can you get home today?" she asks me. "I don't know."
I pack up my things. I retrieve my car. I sit at a stop light as fire engines stream by, dozens of fire companies come from Long Island to help us. I cheer for them, or try to, but it's hard to summon up the necessary volume. I drive around, thwarted at the tunnel entrance, leaning out of windows to talk to harried cops, trying to find the bridge entrance, nearly crossing a bridge to Long Island by mistake, getting hit by a semi, listening to the radio, sitting in traffic, talking on the phone, all done at a safe distance from reality.

At last, I get onto the bridge. Automatically, without thinking, I turn to see the skyline stretching away on the left. The skyline is gone. The Empire State Building is dark. The World Trade towers have disappeared. The lights below 14th Street have gone out. Nothing moves or sparkles; the occupied city is dark except for a necklace of EMS lights, and the slow, steady, sorrowing plume of ash wending its way down into the harbor. And my mind wakes up. I imagine the screams of the dead, from which the scream of the building protected me before. I hear the evenness my father willed into his voice, hear Don telling me hesitantly, "Well. Take good care, Sarah." I feel the hole in the city as a hole ripped out of my chest and head, thousands burned and crushed and orphaned and ruined and dead. I merge onto I-95 South, and I cry — great whooping moaning sobs, strangling me, fighting to get out of my throat and go nowhere except back into my ears. I clutch the wheel to keep it straight, signaling, getting left, barreling onto the ramp for I-78 West, driving home as I've done a thousand times before, and I cry and cry and cry.

Near Hillside, I stop crying. I don't feel better, but I stop crying. On the radio, the President refers to the 23rd Psalm. "Yea, though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we will fear no evil, for Thou art with us."

The President is wrong. I fear evil. No rod or staff can comfort me. Surely goodness and mercy have turned their backs on all of us today. I have no interest in the house of the Lord.

I come up the driveway — home. My mother stands in the doorway waiting for me, and with the light behind her, she looks small. The house itself seems small and weak. Everything seems small and weak. I have come home, but the story is just starting, and I don't know that I can tell it right. Telling a story is all I have, all I have ever had, to give. The telling used to seem important and strong. A story used to seem powerful, and now it's really nothing at all. Just paper, in the end, easily burnt and blown away."

_______________________________
This was written 3 days after 9/11 - one of the most enlightening recaps I've read.

I hope you all take time to remember and reflect today on those lost, those who continue to fight for our freedom, and the personal responsibilities we all have as a country/world to bind together to combat such violence.

As for me, I was broken yet again reading the recapps and watching the documentaries - and spent some time in solitude praying to my Messiah under the "Survivor Tree" at the Oklahoma Bombing Memorial...my way of coping I guess.

"...Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever."

Tribute Video

'Tis but a Flesh Wound

2008-08-12T21:17:00.005-06:00

Okay, so I had a minor little hand surgery last week... If you don't like mildly gross pictures, this post is not for you.

I apparently had some form of a cyst or something that formed on the tendon of my middle finger - in the palm of my hand. They originally thought it was "Trigger Finger," but alas after surgery, they think it might have just been a weird cystic knot. Who knows?

I thought it would go away, but it didn't and the entire tendon was sore to touch, it was hard to open my hand all the way, or put my hand down flat on anything. Yea for being currently insured!

See the weird knot under my middle finger? Never mind the pen marks on my hand I seem to come home from work with everyday?.?.?

They sent me home looking like a mummy. Of course I'm right handed...and swollen.

My pretty little stitches...very itchy by the way.

Got the stitches out today and steri-strips instead. -And brought home more pen marks :)

The strips didn't last long...the healing mark after one week.

What is this World Coming To?

2008-08-03T21:59:00.011-06:00

Okay, so it's not often I hear a news story and it's still on my mind days later unless it's:

1. Overly played/analyzed.
2. Something local.
3. Related to something I've been following socially/politically.
4. Or just completely shocking/outrageous.

Well, this is a #4. It is just so peculiar and horrifying - and I never saw it on the news, although we have Fox News running 24/7 in my office. I did hear about it through a friend who saw it on the news though.

You can read the full story here and here.

Here's the gist though: (You'll never think of public transportation the same)

A greyhound bus driving overnight through the plains of Canada - A 40 year-old man gets on the bus and rides for about an hour quietly. Then he just decides to get up and calmly (some reported "robotic like") stab a 22 year-old guy, who is sleeping with headphones on, about 50-60 times with a hunting knife and kills him - and doesn't seem to know the guy at all. It's gets worse...

He throws the body on the floor and decapitates him, holding the head up for all the other passengers to see as they are fleeing off the bus! Then meticulously disassembles and disembowels him as well - one passenger reported he's certain he saw the guy eat some of him!?!??!

The bus driver and a trucker who stopped with all the frantic people fleeing the bus, held the door closed, containing the crazy on the bus, as he tried to get off with the knife. He has been arrested, not without trying to flee - and has not been interviewed as of yet... Currently, it appears this was a completely random attack.

All I have to say: "What is this world coming to?"

From the "Mile High City" to the "City of Brotherly Love"

2008-07-26T13:11:00.020-06:00

I left for Philadelphia last week for another conference, this one being much better than all previously attended... While many good things occurred on this trip, it wasn't without Murphy's Law.

For instance, here is a short list of of craptastic events (we'll get this out of the way first, then on to good stuff and pictures!)
1. I dropped my uniform hat in the toilet (it tucks under your belt; you loosen your belt before taking your hat out from under it, it falls to the floor - or whatever stops it first.)
2. I had Bronchitis the entire time - hacking until I hyperventilate and continuously have to run out of conference events.
3. During the huge formal dinner event, I had run out while the General was speaking and coughed until I threw up outside the hotel in my formal uniform.
4. I somehow lost my cell phone the morning I flew out. I didn't get to the airport with it, but I did see it that morning - so it's either in the hotel (which they didn't find) or in the cab I took - can't tell you even what cab company it was... So, if you get a phone call saying you were in my phone book on my cell - it's mine!

Okay, on to the cool stuff -

We were fortunate enough to be staying in the historical district, which allowed for us to do walking tours and such in the evenings since none of us had cars.

(My room)

(The view from my room)

(The Liberty Bell...this shirt looks like a maternity shirt!)

(Independence Square - where the Declaration of Independence was read publicly for the first time. That is Liberty Hall, where it was signed and Washington was inaugurated for his second term as the first president of the new free nation).

Note: I have some really cool pictures from our group inside Independence Hall, but they are on the boss' camera - so I'll add those when I get them.

(The Betsy Ross house where she sewed the first American Flag)

(Carpenter's Hall: "The Birthplace of the American Identity"
The meeting place where it was decided that America was going to become independent and congressed passed bans on slave imports/trades, which was the first major step to ending slavery in the US.)

(The Delaware River - New Jersey on the other side)

(The Washington Memorial in Washington Square: This was once a Potter's Field and then became a mass grave for soldiers and those who died of Yellow Fever.)

(Closer view of the memorial with the tomb of the unknown soldier)

(Click on the picture for a larger view to read the wall inscriptions)

(The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier for the Revolutionary War: There are thousands of unknown soldiers buried in mass graves amongst the grounds of Washington Square.)

(A foot stone along the memorial path)

(And because no Philly tour is complete without a Philly Cheese Steak...it was tasty)

And my little tour ended with me getting caught in a huge rain/hail storm. I had planned to walk over the bridge over the Delaware into NJ...so I had to backtrack about eight blocks to get to a bridge. There I sat for about half an hour before realizing it was only getting worse with no end in sight, pretty late and I was a female alone in an unfamiliar area, I still had Bronchitis and was cold/wet, and I might as well just go ahead and run the rest of the way back to the hotel and take a hot shower.

(Siting under the bridge: That is my hotel ahead, but there is a big fence that runs down another 4 blocks)

(Another stop along the way in a bus stop booth when it started hailing - fortunately, I had a cami on under my thin light-colored shirt!)

Other stuff that happened:
1. I was invited to dinner with another female who didn't know anyone at the conference. Little did I know she was the General's personnelist and that some of the staff was having dinner with the General. (she wanted someone near her rank with her...we were the two junior's there). So I had a 3 hr dinner with the General and his wife along with 6 of his staff members. I got to sit across from him and have a very lengthy conversation...he loves fellow Texans! (Sorry, I didn't have my camera ready as it would have been really awkward, though I did take a small pic on my phone cam, which is...somewhere). I really admire this man - and am HONORED to serve under his command.

2. There are three alumni from my college within the organization; myself, one much higher ranking than I, and one that is about 3 years behind me. The higher ranking one, whom I will refer to as "Col," has mentored and kept up with me via e-mail for a little over 2 years... We finally got to meet in person.

(Me and the Col at the formal dinner the last night - Her uniforms are TBD as she is in the middle of a PCS from the Desert to another overseas location...sucks).

3. I was informed I am an annual award winner for the entire command and will be competing in my respective category for the entire Air Force!

So, now I'm back in my little hotel room in Colorado. Four more months here and then back to home for awhile...

The Apocalyptic Discourse

2008-06-14T18:56:00.015-06:00

What I am about to share is completely my opinion; my observations, my thoughts, my feelings...and completely abbreviated. I'm not presenting this as a debate, though religious topics usually spurn such things. If you want to discuss - please feel free by all means... If you have questions, I'll do my best to expound upon/explain; however, I don't consider myself a scholar.

For centuries people have been proclaiming the end of the world, with theories from the burning out of the sun to the threat of a nuclear disaster - and with exact dates even! It has always amazed me that the Bible, so well preserved, as been so greatly ignored in these matters. At one time, a large portion of the Bible was unfulfilled prophesies, proclaiming the coming and redemption of the promised Messiah. Now, we find that most of the Bible is historic with some yet unfulfilled prophesies. And yet, we ignore this fact - or simply state that it is not a fact. We look at other options, anything that circumvents the idea of a creator - regardless of how ridiculous the idea or story. It can't possibly be as ridiculous as the story of a creator and the evidence that has been found to support it. Why? Because it's prophetic.

So, where am I going with this? I'll be blunt. I've never been the "doomsday" type; I've always been labeled a "skeptic" in most all things, including "doomsday proclamations." I will say however, that I feel God has been revealing a lot of things to me through Scripture, prayer, and study. What does it come down to? "...the kingdom of God is near." - Matt 4:17, 10:7, Luke 10:9. - A message given time and time again throughout the Bible. Are we listening yet?

Ok, the apostles were saying it back in Biblical times, so how close is "near" really? Well, let's discuss. Back to prophesy - "But when these things begin to take place, straighten up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near." - Luke 21:28 "So you also, when you see these things happening, recognize that the kingdom of God is near. Truly I say to you, this generation will not pass way until all things take place." - Luke 21:31-32.

From this, it's safe to say that the religious zealots who have proclaimed the coming of God with dates have done so without the facts - without the fulfilling of Biblical prophesy. "All things" prophesied have not yet taken place. So what's left? Well, this could be a week long discussion, but I'll try to boil it down to some of the basics.

Yeshua (Jesus) predicted the fall of Jerusalem and the fall of the Temple, the scattering of the Jews among the nations because they would not obey, and the survival of the Jews and the Church. "And among those nations you shall find no rest nor shall the sole of your foot have a resting place; but there the LORD will give you a trembling heart, failing eyes, and anguish of soul." - Deuteronomy 28:65 "And the LORD will scatter you among the peoples, and you will be left few in number among the nations where the LORD will drive you." - Deuteronomy 4:27 Wow, um...WWII anyone?

Never before has a people group been so hated, so mistreated, and yet still survived - and thrived! They are the "chosen people." (I do not believe in the "replacement theory.") And because they have been chosen, God continues to show His strength and power through them, fulfilling prophesies and promises He had made. You show me a people group so small and so "exterminated" who is still here - and a vital part of the economy, etc. He proclaimed a time when Israel would then again be reestablished... - Ezekiel 36: 24-28 and Jeremiah 32: 37-38 The Jews have been scattered three major times, and three times they have been supernaturally reinstated in the land that was promised them. How much even greater this third time - no one would have put money on that.

1. They fled to Egypt and returned through Moses.
2. The twelve trips fled through 722-586 BC and returned under Zerubbabel, Ezra, and Nehemiah through 538-444 BC.
3. The Jews fled again a third time in 70 AD under the Romans...

Notes on #3: Yeshua had prophesied that the huge temple would be completely destroyed, not even one stone left on another. - Matthew 24:2 That generation saw it happen just as he said when Titus demolished it in 70 AD. The Jews fled and over hundreds of years, lived in varying nations. And they have suffered greatly as prophesied...during the Holocaust (and yes, it did happen) 1/3 of the World-Wide Jewish population was exterminated! And yet, they thrive!

Update on #3: After hundreds of years and great suffering, Israel was reestablished in 1948 after the Holocaust - thanks to God who fulfills his promises and the supporting nations He uses. (Many started returning as early as 1871, but this had been minimal). When Israel was reestablished in 1948, only 650K Jews lived there. 2006 was a historical year for the Jews! It was then that Israel became home to the largest Jewish population in the world, after 1900 years! It's Jewish population is now well over 5.3 million! They have returned as prophesied - after 1900 years! "Then my people will know that I am the LORD their God, because I sent them away to exile and brought them home again. I will leave none of my people behind." - Ezekiel 39:28 Though the possibility exists that representatives from all 12 tribes have returned (only 3 tribes can be identified through lineage), obviously not all of the Jews have returned. Is it the tribes or all the people, I don't know. If people, how many are left? I don't know. To what extent of Jewishness, I don't know.

He also claimed that the world would once again become globalized in control, finances, religion, etc. We still have yet to reach the "globalization" prophesied in the Bible. The world has always seemed too large and too disconnected to ever be "globalized" in such a way. It was so far reaching - seemed like such a remarkable futuristic event in even our grandparents generations... The last few decades have really brought this closer to fruition with the expansion of the internet, television and world news, the end of the Cold War, the creation of the World Trade Organization, global terrorism, and the "industrial gold"...oil. Now, in our generation, we see the stage is quickly setting for such an event.

Side Note: Keep your eyes on Iran and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Iranian president, who openly declares his desire to "wipe Israel off the map", is trying to convince the world the Holocaust was a myth, and plans to hasten the return of the Islamic messiah by ushering in his vision of the apocalypse, which includes the annihilation of the Jews.

Prophesy clearly states that Israel would be reestablished before end of "the period of the Gentiles." And non-Jewish nations were still going to be in control of Israel's destiny during final judgment and suffering. The Jews "will be killed by the sword or sent away as captives to all the nations of the world. And Jerusalem will be trampled down by the Gentiles until the period of the Gentiles comes to an end." - Luke 21:24 This clearly shows that the struggle for Israel (Jerusalem) will continue until the end. Currently Israel, surrounded by Arab nations, is a target on all sides. And those who hate Israel also hate their supporters. With such a history of survival, how will Israel be "trampled down"? Won't God save them again? Well, the Bible states that such a battle will exist and because Israel can't win this last battle, Yeshua will bring the "period of the gentiles" to an end. Then the lion will lie down with the lamb...

And now the introduction of terrorism... We are seeing it now. How do conventional military forces beat unconventional terrorist? The US and Israel have the greatest military forces in the world, yet terrorism continues to evolve... Is this how Israel will be "trampled?" I think it's quite possible - With the threat of nuclear weapons in the hands of terrorist and/or Arab nations, at any moment we could see a call for worldwide jihad. Don't even get me started on oil... This is quite longer than I anticipated already.

I will say this: With the Middle East being the only location with enough oil reserves for the US demands, in addition to terrorism, the US is extremely vulnerable. Depending on how things come about abroad, I also believe the US is on the verge of another civil war, fighting among ourselves... Long story short: If ever there was a time for the Arab nations to come to power, it's now during the oil crisis while they are holding all the industrial nations' cards. I find no reference to the West or America in the end times...makes me curious of its outcome and loss of influence.

Ezekiel 38-39: These chapters prophesy about the evasion in Israel in the end times by a vast coalition of nations, all of whom are Islamic today, with the exception of Russia. Many believe the rise of Islam (especially Radical Islamic terrorism), is a foreshadowing of Ezekiel's prophesy. This isn't to say that this will happen "soon." It suggests that Israel will be at rest, which they obviously are not currently. It is possible they will ever be?

Daniel 9:26-27 talks about the group of Ten world leaders who will lead a coalition, much like that of the Roman Empire. Out of them will come one who will be the "strongman" or leader... Daniel 9:36 states, "a ruler will arise." He (the Antichrist) will enter into a seven-year treaty of protection and peace with the people of Israel...and then break his covenant, desecrating the Temple by demanding praise/worship to himself. Most believe this will take place after the rapture with a "false treaty" that will dupe Israel into being at rest. Point being - we may never see the Antichrist come to power if the rapture happens first... So, don't bet on watching for this sign. Other theories suggest that this prophesy was fulfilled when Yeshua walked the earth and died...which creates a different spin on a lot of common teachings about end-time prophesy, to include common theories on the rapture, the Antichrist's timing, and the length of the tribulation period (basically, there is no second chance after the rapture as the first theory suggests).

According to the first theory, the Great Tribulation would start after the rapture (according to most) which would last approx 7 years? (There are very different theories on this.) The first 3.5 years (or half) of the Great Tribulation is a time Israel would be at rest - Then Russia and her Islamic allies will invade Israel, fulfilling the prophesy. We can talk more on this later if anyone is interested in researching/discussing. However, they would probably attack Israel for 4 reasons:

1. Gain territory (Ezekiel 38:8)
2. Gain wealth (Ezekiel 38:12)
3. Destroy people of Israel (Ezekiel 38:11 and 16)
4. Challenge Antichrist who is allies with Israel according to the treaty (Ezekiel 38:14-16)

Anyway, my message: I think we are definitely living in the last days... I think we still have the 7(?) years of Great Tribulation ahead...but I think the stage it pretty well set for that to begin very soon - could be a year, could be a few decades...who knows? I do think there is a great possibility it will be in our lifetimes. Regardless of your end time theories, one thing does appear to be clear - "the kingdom of God is near."

"Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: 'May they prosper who love you. Peace be within your walls, prosperity withing your palaces.' For the sake of my brethren and companions, I will now say, 'Peace be within you,' Because of the house of the LORD our God, I will seek your good." - Psalm 122:6-9

Note: I am by no means a scholar - please study on your own and don't take my thoughts/noted theories as fact. I just wanted to bring this to light and hopefully invoke some discussion and/or stirring up for the scriptures, meditation, and repentance.

US Air Force - In Big, Big Trouble

2008-06-05T19:57:00.035-06:00

"Air Force Secretary Michael W. Wynne, left, and Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. T.
Michael Moseley resigned Thursday following a series of high-profile scandals and
disagreements between Air Force leadership and Secretary of Defense

Robert Gates." - Air Force Times, 6 Jun 08

Where to start? Just absolutely disheartening...

You can read the abbreviated story here if you want. Just a crappy end for the top two Air Force officials after a series of misfortunes and failures. And these two are just the beginning... I foresee a lot of open positions and potential early promotions for some high ranking officers in the very near future.

I will say though, that I have been very disappointed with the USAF over the last few years for a number of reasons ranging from crap like "Force Shaping" to the dealings of Air Force leaders whose actions have been swept under the rug (I won't publicly humiliate them...but I can give you MANY examples). There just seems to be an overwhelming lack of responsibility and accountability. It's not the same USAF it used to be... it's a "kindler, gentler Air Force"...that's going down the crapper.

Force Shaping: Many officers with 2-5 years of service (not to include any fliers, but did include prior enlisted officers with up to 15 years - 5 years from retirement!), many of whom spent four years as cadets earning their commissions, were laid off without any severance packages by senior officials who saw this as the "best idea" for budget cuts.

Anyway, I doubt many of my 4 faithful readers really care about this stuff, so I'll end it here. I just thought I would spread the knowledge - I predict this is just the beginning...

Maria Chapman - Tragic Loss

2008-05-23T16:24:00.007-06:00

You may have seen it on the news, but my heart breaks for the Chapman family. Steven Curtis Chapman (Dove and Grammy Award Winner) and his family has suffered a tragic loss this week.

Steven's youngest daughter, Maria (5 years old), was accidentally struck by an SUV, driven by one of her teenage brothers, in their driveway on Wednesday. Maria was rushed to the hospital via LifeFlight, but died of her injuries. She had just celebrated her 5th birthday a week and half prior. The family was preparing to celebrate Caleb's High School graduation and the engagement of their oldest daughter, Emily, in a couple of hours. Now they are preparing to bury their youngest child tomorrow.

See a video of Maria and Steven Curtis Chapman, taped two months ago.

Steven has dedicated his entire life to the ministry of Yeshua - and has adopted half of his children from China, including Maria, continuing to supporting the adoption of children outside of the US. Satan hates this family - that much is obvious.

Please pray and/or continue to pray for this family - they are most definitely engaged in some serious spiritual warfare. And please pray for the teenage brother (unknown which one) who is most certainly struggling emotionally at this time...

OKC to Chicago...and on to Denver, by way of Kansas

2008-05-10T21:05:00.028-06:00

Well, it's been awhile since I have posted anything. And while some may say that no excuse it the world will cover my lack of posting for my audience of maybe four, let me offer some insight.

I had to go to a weekend conference, come back on Sunday night, and then leave Tuesday morning for a 10-hr drive to Colorado. And the week before? We'll, my brother-in-law was installing central air/heat in my house and I was helping after my last day of work on Tuesday...(I'll write a quick blog on that later).

(Roxy knows when I start packing, that I will be gone awhile - her passive-aggressive way of telling me she's not happy, or at least plans to go with me...which she did to Colorado, not Chicago)

Last weekend I had to go to a conference in Chicago. I flew out Friday afternoon (got delayed and stuck at the airport for 5 hrs) and instead of getting into Chicago at 7:30 pm, I got to the airport about 12:30 am, had to track down a shuttle to my hotel, and check in. Unfortunately, though I had a reservation, they didn't have a room available...so after a while, I was given a nice handicapped room. I think I crawled into bed around 1:45 am - and since I got there too late to register for the conference, I had to be at the morning registration at 6:30 am, showered and in uniform. I have never slept so good as I did in this "miracle bed." And the view was amazing from my 35th floor room.

(The view by day)

(and by night)

The conference was less than amazing - I took a few naps, drew an elaborate mosaic on my 5-page notepad I got with my $23 non-refundable conference fee...(still really irritated about this whole last minute, nothing on paper, cash conference fee.) Anyway, Saturday night some of us who were in the same training class in GA, met up and did the quick Chicago touristy thing.

We headed out to a local hot spot for dinner, took a group photo on "The Magnificent Mile," and then decided to hit the John Hancock Center (they let us in free) to see the view of Chicago from the observatory. The amazing view spans up to 80 miles and 4 states. I'm not sure how many floors it is, but I know we went to the 96th floor to check out the bar/restaurant with the live music. And since the tallest tower in Chicago is the Sears Tower at 110 stories, it's between 97 and 109...

(This is looking down on skyscrapers...)

(And it just keeps going...)

(And you could see the Sears Tower - the one with the pink lights)

So the girls decided to "shoot down" Chicago instead of paying a dollar to view it...(and yes we were sober, and cheap).

(Wendi [not my sis] and I apparently had 50 cals - and I was "lobbing it")

(Taken in front of the green screen at the observatory...notice it's magically daylight now)

Then I got home Sunday afternoon, after flying standby on a 4pm flight instead of my scheduled 8:50pm flight - yea!) . Monday I unpacked and repacked; Tuesday I trucked out on my 10-hr drive to CO. I've only been here since Tues night, so this will be brief - more to come later.

(My home for the next few months)

(You can kinda see the mountains - it's been real cloudy this week)

(The living room/office area - and Roxy)

(The office/kitchen/door area)

(My king size bed in it's own little room with the bathroom - notice all my clothes not put away - I had NO hangers...store trip #1 of 4 this week)

(The bathroom area)

So now you see where I have been lately - and where I will be camping out for a while. If you happen to come through Colorado this summer - shoot me line. I've got a king bed and couch that folds out into a queen in a separate room...

Trapped for 41 hrs: What Would you Do?

2008-04-22T07:39:00.024-06:00

Basically, about 9 years ago, this guy (Nicholas White) left his office at about 11pm on a Friday night to take a quick smoke break and unfortunately got trapped in the elevator. No one came to his calls and then everyone left for the weekend. It wasn't until 41 hrs later, he was rescued. Now, 9 years later (and after a lawsuit he won), the elevator surveillance video has been released.

It's a time lapsed video of the 41 hours he was trapped, condensed to less than 2 minutes. "Edited to a soundtrack of classical piano music, the video shows him pacing, trying to climb the walls, lying down, curled up in a fetal position, prying apart the doors." - video website

"After a certain period of time I knew that I was in pretty big trouble because it was the weekend..." "I relieved myself down the shaft when the doors were open." - White

Click on this link to watch the video: New Yorker trapped in elevator for over 40 hours.
__________________
I saw this while reviewing the news this morning and it sparked my interest... What would I have done if trapped in an elevator for 41 hours on my way back to my office?

First things first: What would I have on me coming back to my office?

I don't smoke, but let's make it across the board as close as possible to his situation. He went down to burn a quick one, not bringing anything additional back with him. So, perhaps he had a lighter - if you're thinking what I am thinking, we'd set the alarm off. However, we can't tell from the video that he had a lighter - and in some big places like that where there is a common smoking area/main street, it's not uncommon for people to just carry a cigarette or two down and light off someone else...(keep from getting bumbed off of all the time). So, for the sake of being conservative, let's say no lighter or any other cigarettes on you and, you didn't take your cell phone or purse to just burn a quick one - you're in a hurry so you can finish up your job and get home for the weekend...

So, you basically have on you what you have in your pockets or on your belt (minus a phone), etc while you are at work... And no one comes looking for you. And you can't figure/maneuver your way out - you're stuck for 41 hours.

Me: I have a couple of sticks of gum in my pocket and I have an ID card clipped to my belt. What am I going to do for 41 hours?

Initially, I would probably try to recall all the MacGyver episodes I ever watched as a kid in the 80's. "Did he ever escape out of an elevator with gum and a shoestring?" Then I'd crack a joke to myself like, "What would Brian Boitano do?" (for all you SouthPark fans) to relieve the sudden stress - and making fun of myself for thinking what MacGyver would do. "What about that Survivor board game I have? Man, why haven't I ever opened that?" And after several hours of trying to logically figure my way out of there to no avail, I think I would consider the fact that no one will find me until about 7 or 8 am on Monday morning - and I can live that long without food/drink, assuming the A/C or heat was still on since it's a large NY office building.

So then, after I threw a little tantrum kicking the door, for the next 30-something hours I think I would try to sleep as much as possible - that's how I normally try to pass time when I am really anxious about boring stuff like really long car rides/flights. (If you sleep until you get to your destination, then you're magically there in no time!) Then I would obsessively check the door to see if the elevator moved while I was asleep - every time I woke up.

Other than that, I'd probably pray and sing a bit, think about what I might want to do in the future - career and travel wise, count ceiling tiles/holes, do some stationary exercises (b/c I cannot be confined that long), vow to take the stairs, stretch, continuously monitor my watch - count down to Monday morning, plan a blog about it, try to sleep some more...think of a really good one-liner for why I will not be at work Monday morning, when I'm already there.

What about you guys? What do you think you would have done?

Top 10 Reasons We Don't Let Mammy Cook Anymore...

2008-04-11T13:28:00.021-06:00

There are many reasons and stories behind why Mammy isn't allowed to cook at family functions anymore. I'll condense it for you to the top ten reasons and perhaps a few pictures to make it all make sense.

Reason # 10: Everyone starved to death or ate on the way there - and then had to collectively play pretend. It got too risky when everyone did it and nothing got eaten.

Reason #09: We got tired of having the rotating "bring your dog" schedule and the sickness that ensued on the way home.

Reason #08: My father still ate it anyway - and then we had to make 15 stops on the way home and cordon off one bathroom at home for 3 days...

Reason #07: "School of Hard Knocks." After the first food poisoning, you learn.

Reason #06: If you are going to can stuff yourself, you should probably label it and perhaps seal it...

Reason #05: What is the annual pink/green/white gelatin with carrots anyway?

Reason #04: Expiration dates aren't there to remind you for what occassion you bought it, nor are they just good ideas...

Reason #03: Buying the dented cans on sale is not always a bargain...even if it was during the Great Depression.

Reason #02: Leaving things to sit in the oven for 3 days does not constitute refrigeration nor does leaving things to cool down on top of the stove overnight...

Reason #01: Because the old family saying says it all: "If you loved the turkey at Thanksgiving, you're really going to love it at Christmas." You can't keep refreezing it and recooking it - over and over and over...

Here are some garage pantry pictures for good measure:

(Note the BBQ on the top shelf from a previous post - 1987 baby!)

(And the marshmallow creme - top and bottom shelf. Anyone up for coffee?)

(Exploding cans - Here's a science lesson for you kids...Can anyone say "Botulism?")

bot·u·lism / Pronunciation[boch-uh-liz-uhm] –noun
a sometimes fatal disease of the nervous system acquired from spoiled foods in which botulin is present, esp. improperly canned or marinated foods.

So one may ask, "What do you guys do now that Mammy doesn't cook and how did you institute that?" Well, glad you asked. It was "painful" but as Mammy aged (and so did the grandkids) we convinced Mammy that everyone would like to participate in cooking and help her out, but didn't have time to come over all day and do it at her house - (that was her solution). Mammy conceded after many concerted efforts of cooking everything before we got there anyway, thinking we'd just stop bringing stuff....

So now my father, the only male left in the family older than my cousins/siblings, is responsible for bringing the meat (usually a turkey or brisket, etc). Everyone else brings side dishes, etc - pretty much whatever they want - we have a lot of great cooks in the family - thank goodness! Mammy still makes lots of side dishes - to include the annual gelatin...

And we've formulated and orchestrated this plan that no one in particular started; it just kinda happened and morphed into this brilliant system that naturally works like clockwork:

Everyone puts their stuff on the dining room table - it's like a buffet and we all go eat in the addition/kitchen. We place all of Mammy's items in a line down the center of the table, "the place of honor" - then everyone else puts their stuff around the outside of the table. All guests/boyfriends/girlfriends, etc are briefed on the table arrangement prior to the prayer - and everyone makes sure any new member/guest got the brief/understands (ask Kris).

We let Mammy go first - she makes her plate and leaves. Then someone, usually my father "Uncle Andra," (Mammy didn't know how to spell "Andre," so she guessed...) makes a big plate of "Mammy food" (sometimes 2) and dissappears to trash it/feed the dog - looks like everyone ate some! (insert magical music here). Everyone else then makes their plate, making a circle around the outside of the table - avoiding the middle line of food. It's a fine-tuned machine and Mammy has yet to figure this out... It's entertaining to say the least -

Life...Happens

2008-04-02T07:57:00.022-06:00

I've always been fascinated with the human body (any living thing for that matter) from the study of biology to the study of physiology. It was the only subject I liked in school and I even took Anatomy and Physiology in high school as an elective credit instead of the "fun" courses. I remember my first Life Science course in 7th grade and reading ahead in my textbook on chapters that really interested me, though I didn't even read most of the assigned material in my other classes.

In fact, it was a dead cat that convinced me there was a God, and in turn I completely gave my life to God while hovering over this dead feline. How strange that the cat didn't even know its purpose in life (and death) was to act as a tool to save mine, in a sense? No one would have thought. Anyone in their right mind would say, "That cat's purpose was to teach students about anatomy."

I had grown up in church for the most part and felt God calling me at a very young age, about 2nd grade if I remember correctly. It was very clear to me, though I think many doubted it at my age - it was, and still is, very real to me. I remember it well. But over the course of time, I decided to live my own life under a "cheap grace" concept and eventually came to very much doubt a God I once knew to be calling me... Plagued by doubt through Jr. High and High School, I spent a lot of time researching - and stumbled across a lot of interesting things. I know, what Jr High/HS kid spends their time researching religion? Well, me. I've always been a seeker of truth and research minded. (I walked to the city library after school to wait for city league soccer practice to start across the street at 6pm) It was a passion within me - which I hid from most. Why? Because I didn't want to be swayed by bias evangelists who felt something, but had no proof they had the "right" answers - and got paid for it. I also really struggled with the fact that I didn't agree with a lot of teachings, compared to what I was studying in the Bible they claimed to be "infallible."

The summer after my freshman year of HS, I again felt God calling me...strongly, and by 16 was rededicating my life, but was still plagued by doubt regularly, and was tortured mentally over it. "Had I fallen for my own psychological games? Maybe I psyched myself into this?" "It's still too early to decide - There is still so much I have not read/visited!" "But what if it is real and I deny it?..." But it was this dead cat, my senior year of high school, just before graduation, that convinced me more than any (live) human could about God.

The cat didn't say or do anything (obviously). It just laid there like any dead cat would, but as I continued to study the inner workings of this cat, I found myself in tears, completely marveled. "This is not an accident...The probability is too small...There must be a creator...This is too intelligent for happenstance..." And after pouring through all my thoughts in this hour and half class, I was convinced beyond anyone's reasoning, there was intelligent design; there was a God.

Even through college, taking numerous Biology and A&P courses, nothing has reminded me of this moment so much as the "Our Body" exhibit I saw a couple of months ago (If you haven't been - it's a must see. I know, I'm a big nerd for going to stuff like this "for fun.") But I was in awe of our Creator... there are no words to express except that it brought tears to my eyes, again. A reminder of how much God loved me; that he knew it would take a dead cat to convince my ever-doubting mind, and he made it happen just for me.

Today I was reading up on the discovery and furthering of DNA - regardless of who you believe truly discovered DNA (there is a big controversy over who should be credited), I think the words of Prof. F. Crick (1950's) are thought-provoking and that perhaps he was a "Doubting Thomas" like me, who required a dead animal (microscopic slides) to convince him of a "creator."

Professor Francis Crick, awarded the Nobel Prize for the discovery of DNA, wrote:

"An honest man, armed with all the knowledge available to us now, could only state that in some sense, the origin of life appears at the moment to be almost a miracle, so many are the conditions which would have had to have been satisfied to get it going. The trouble is that there are about two thousand enzymes, and the chance of obtaining them all in a random trial is only one part in (1020)2,000=1040,000, an outrageously small probability that could not be faced even if the whole universe consisted of organic soup.

In terms of complexity, an individual cell is nothing when compared with a system like the mammalian brain. The human brain consists of about ten thousand million nerve cells. Each nerve cell puts out between ten thousand and one hundred thousand connecting fibers by which it makes contact with other nerve cells in the brain. Altogether the total number of connections in the human brain approaches 1015 or a thousand million million. Numbers in the order of 1015 are of course completely beyond comprehension. Imagine an area about half the size of the USA (one million square miles) covered in a forest of trees containing ten thousand trees per square mile. If each tree contained one hundred thousand leaves the total number of leaves in the forest would be 1015, equivalent to the number of connections in the human brain! Despite the enormity of the number of connections, the ramifying forest of fibers is not a chaotic random tangle but a highly organized network in which a high proportion of the fibers are unique adaptive communication channels following their own specially ordained pathway through the brain. Even if only one hundredth of the connections in the brain were specifically organized, this would still represent a system containing a much greater number of specific connections than in the entire communications network on Earth."

Unfortunately, Crick came to another conclusion (1970's) about "the Creator," summarized as follows:
Some extraterrestrial civilization of another solar system, because of the fear of extinction, decided to "seed" other planets with the essence of their live matter. So they sent frozen bacteria out into space, and eventually it reached earth. While on earth, it was these live bacteria from outer space that evolved into life as we see it now...

The sad thing is, Crick had confided to a fellow professor that he didn't really believe his own theory, and his purpose in espousing this theory was to get people to drop all previous theories that they held as true (such as the chemical soup theory, and the mutation theory, etc., all of them built on the idea that live matter can evolve from dead matter, which he held can't be true) and give them an idea which they can relate to, such as unmanned rockets with live bacteria in them, to hold on to. Not that he really believed his own crazy story (though many did/still do), but it was to help people understand that this world could only have developed from live matter. He just didn't want to admit to a "Creator" with no scientific theory/proof - so he went to this extreme instead.

And to me, that's very sad. I think we were standing at the very same crossroad, decades apart. Today, I'm again amazed God spoke to me through a dead cat...with "faith like a child."

Political Food for Thought - Iraq

2008-03-23T16:07:00.007-06:00

"To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go
through it. Our country is now facing the most serious
threat to its existence, as we know it, that we have faced
in your lifetime and mine (which includes WWII).

The deadly seriousness is greatly compounded by the
fact that there are very few of us who think we can possibly
lose this war and even fewer who realize what losing really
means.

First, let's examine a few basics:

1. When did the threat to us start?

Many will say September 11, 2001. The answer as far
as the United States is concerned is 1979, 22 years prior to
September 2001, with the following attacks on us:
* Iran Embassy Hostages, 197 9;
* Beirut , Lebanon Embassy 1983;
* Beirut , Lebanon Marine Barracks 1983;
* Lockerbie , Scotland Pan-Am flight to New York
1988;
* First New York World Trade Center attack 1993;
* Dhahran , Saudi Arabia Khobar Towers Military
complex 1996;
* Nairobi , Kenya US Embassy 1998;
* Dares Salaam , Tanzania US Embassy 1998;
* A! den, Yemen USS Cole 2000;
* New York World Trade Center 2001;* Pentagon 2001.

(Note that during the period from 1981 to 2001 there
were 7,581 terrorist attacks worldwide).

2. Why were we attacked?

Envy of our position, our success, and our freedoms.
The attacks happened during the administrations of
Presidents Carter, Reagan, Bush 1, Clinton and Bush 2. We
cannot fault either the Republicans or Democrats as there
were no provocations by any of the presidents or their
immediate predecessor, President Ford.

3. Who were the attackers?

In each case, the attack s on the US were carried out
by Muslims.

4. What is the Muslim population of the World?

25%.

5. Isn't the Muslim Religion peaceful?

Hopefully, but that is really not material. There
is no doubt that the predominately Christian population of
Germany was peaceful, but under the dictatorial leadership
of Hitler (who was also Christian (?)), that made no
difference. You either went along with the administration
or you were eliminated. There were 5 to 6 million
Christians killed by the Nazis for political reasons
(including
7,000 Polish priests).

(see http://www.Nazis.testimony.co.uk/7-a.htm)

Thus, almost the same number of Christians were
killed by the Nazis, as the six million holocaust Jews who
were killed by them, and we seldom heard of anything other
than the Jewish atrocities. Although Hitler kept the world
focused on the Jews, he had no hesitancy about killing
anyone who got in his way of exterminating the Jews or of
taking over the world - German, Christian or any others.

Same with the Muslim terrorists. They focus the
world on the US , but kill all in the way -- their own
people or the Spanish, British, French or anyone else. The
point here is that just like the peaceful Germans were of no
protection to anyone from the Nazis, no matter how many
peaceful Muslims there may be, they are no protection for us
from the terrorist Muslim leaders and what they are
fanatically bent on doing -- by their own pronouncements
-- killing all of us "infidels." I don't blame the
peaceful Muslims. What would you do if the choice was shut
up or die?

6. So who are we at war with?

There is no way we can honestly respond that it is
anyone other than the Muslim terrorists. Trying to be
politically correct and avoid verbalizing this conclusion
can well be fatal. There is no way to win if you don't
clearly recognize and articulate who you are fighting.

So with that background, now to the two major
questions:

1. Can we lose this war?

2. What does losing really mean?

If we are to win, we must clearly answer these two
pivotal questions:

We can definitely lose this war, and as anomalous as
it may sound, the major reason we can lose is that so many
of us simply do not fathom the answer to the second question
- What does losing mean?

It would appear that a great many of us think that
losing the war means hanging our heads, bringing the troops
home and going on about our business, like post-Vietnam.
This is as far from the truth as one can get.

What losing really means is:

We would no longer be the premier country in the
world. The attacks will not subside, but rather will
steadily increase. Remember, they want us dead, not just quiet. If they had just wanted us quiet, they would not have produced an increasing series of attacks against us,
over the past 18 years. The plan was, clearly, for
terrorists to attack us until we were neutered and
submissive to them.

We would, of course, have no future support from
other nations, for fear of reprisals and for the reason that
they would see; we are impotent and cannot help them.

They will pick off the other non-Muslim nations, one
at a time. It will be increasingly easier for them. They
already hold Spain hostage. It doesn't matter whether it
was right or wrong for Spain to withdraw its troops from
Iraq . Spain did it because the Muslim terrorists bombed
their train and told them to withdraw the troops. Anything
else they want Spain to do will be done. Spain is finished.

The next will probably be France. Our one hope on
France is that they might see the light and realize that if
we don't win, they are finished too, in that they can't
resist the Muslim terrorists without us. However, it may
already be too late for France . France is already 20%
Muslim and fading fast!

Without our support Great Britain will go too.
Recently I read that there are more mosques in England than
churches.

If we lose the war, our production, income, exports
and way of life will all vanish as we know it. After losing, who would trade or deal with us if they were threatened by
the Muslims. If we can't stop the Muslim terrorists, how
could anyone else?

The radical Muslims fully know what is riding on
this war, and therefore are completely committed to winning,
at any cost. We better know it too and be likewise
committed to winning at any cost.

Why do I go on at such lengths about the results of
losing? Simple. Until we recognize the costs of losing, we
cannot unite and really put 100% of our thought s and efforts
into winning. And it is going to take that 100% effort to
win.

So, how can we lose the war?

Again, the answer is simple. We can lose the war by
"imploding." That is, defeating ourselves by refusing to
recognize the enemy and their purpose, and really digging in
and lending full support to the war effort. If we are
united, there is no way that we can lose. If we continue to
be divided, there is no way that we can win!

Let me give you a few examples of how we simply
don't comprehend the life and death seriousness of this
situation.

President Bush selects Norman Mineta as Secretary of
Transportation. Although all of the terrorist attacks were
committed by Muslim men between 17 and 40 years of age,
Secretary Mineta refuses to allow profiling. Does that
sound like we are taking this thing seriously? This is war!
For the duration, we are going to have to give up some of
the civil rig hts we have become accustomed. We had better
be prepared to lose some of our civil rights temporarily or
we will most certainly lose all of them permanently.

And don't worry that it is a slippery slope. We
gave up plenty of civil rights during WWII, and immediately
restored them after the victory and in fact added many more
since then.

Do I blame President Bush or President Clinton
before him?

No, I blame us for blithely assuming we can maintain
all of our Political Correctness, and all of our civil
rights during this conflict and have a clean, lawful,
honorable war. None of those words apply to war. Get them
out of your head.

Some have gone so far in their criticism of the war
and/or the Administration that it almost seems they would
literally like to see us lose.

I think some actually do, I hasten to add that this
isn't because they are disloyal. It is because they just
don't recognize what losing means. Nevertheless, that
conduct gives the impression to the enemy that we are
divided and weakening. It concerns our friends, and it does
great damage to our cause.

Of more recent vintage, the uproar fueled by the
politicians and media regarding the treatment of some
prisoners of war, perhaps exemplifies best what I am saying.
We have recently had an issue, involving the treatment of a
few Muslim prisoners of war, by a small group of our
military police. These are the type prisoners who just a
few months ago were throwing their own people off buildings,
cutting off their hands, cutting out their tongues and
otherwise murdering their own people just for disagreeing
with Saddam Hussein. !

And just a few years ago these same type prisoners
chemically killed 400,000 of their own people for the same
reason. They are also the same type of enemy fighters, who
recently were burning Americans, and dra gging their charred
corpses through the streets of Iraq . And still more
recently, the same type of enemy that was and is providing
videos to all news sources internationally, of the beheading
of American prisoners they held.

Compare this with some of our press and politicians,
who for several days have thought and talked about nothing
else but the "humiliating" of some Muslim prisoners -- not
burning them, not dragging their charred corpses through the
streets, not beheading them, but "humiliating" them.

Can they be for real?

The politicians and pundits have even talked of
impeachment of the Secretary of Defense. If this doesn't
show the complete lack of comprehension and understanding of
the seriousness of the enemy we are fighting, the life and
death struggle we are in and the disastrous results of
losing this war, nothing can.

To bring our country to a virtual political
standstill over this prisoner issue makes us look like Nero
playing his fiddle as Rome burned -- totally oblivious to
what is going on in the real world. Neither we, nor any
other country, can survive this internal strife. Again I say, this does not mean that some of our politicians or media
people are disloyal. It simply means that they are
absolutely oblivious to the magnitude of the situation we
are in and into which the Muslim terrorists have been
pushing us, for many years.

These people are a serious and dangerous liability
to the war effort. We must take note of who they are and
get them out of office. Remember, the Muslim terrorists
stated goal is to kill all infidels! That translates into
ALL non-Muslims -- not just in the United States , but
throughout the world. We are the last bastion of defense.

We have been criticized for many years as being
'arrogant.' That charge is valid. We are arrogant in that
we believe that we are so good, powerful and smart, that we
can win the hearts and minds of all those who attack us, and
that with both hands tied behind our back, we can defeat
anything bad in the world! We can't!

If we don't recognize this, our nation as we know it
will not survive, and no other free country in the world
will survive if we are defeated.

And finally, name any Muslim countries throughout
the world that allow freedom of speech, freedom of thought,
freedom of religion, freedom of the press, equal rights for
anyone -- let alone everyone, equal status or any status for
women, or that have been productive in one single way that
contributes to the good of the world.

This has been a long way of saying that we must be
united on this war or we will be equated in the history
books to the self- inflicted fall of the Roman Empire . If,
that is, the Muslim leaders will allow history books to be
written or read.

If we don't win this war right now, keep a close eye
on how the Muslims take over France in the next 5 years or
less. They will continue to increase the Muslim population
of France and continue to encroach little by little, on the
established French traditions.

The French will be fighting among themselves, over
what should or should not be done, which will continue to
weaken them and keep them from any united resolve. Doesn't
that sound eerily familiar?

Democracies don't have their freedoms taken away
from them by some external military force. Instead, they
give their freedoms away, politically correct piece by
politically correct piece.

And they are giving those freedoms away to those who
have shown, worldwide that they abhor freedom and will not
apply it to you or even to themselves, once they are in
power.

Muslims have universally shown that when they have
taken over, they then start brutally killing each other over
whom will be the few who control the masses.

What is happening in Iraq is a good example. Will
we ever stop hearing from the politically correct, about the
"peaceful Muslims"?

I close on a hopeful note, by repeating what I said
above. If we are united, there is no way that we can lose.
I hope now, after the election, the factions in our country
will begin to focus on the critical situation we are in, and
will unite to save our country. It is your future we are
talking about! Do whatever you can to preserve it. I
reiterate. A national election is months away.

After reading the above, we all must do this not
only for ourselves, but our children, our grandchildren, our
country and the world. Whether Democrat or Republican,
conservative or liberal and that includes the Politicians
and media of our country and the free world"

-Dr. Vernon Chong, Major General, USAF, Retired

Thoughts/Arguments anyone?

Shatze Wants to be a Chef...

2008-03-01T11:19:00.018-07:00

Last night Kris and I got home after about 11pm and as we walked up to the door Kris said, "I think I'm gonna go straight to bed - I'm pretty tired." I replied, "Yeah, me too."

Little did we know that while we were gone (about 5 hours), Shatze decided to whip up a little something in the kitchen. She decided to use everything on the third shelf...2 boxes of hot chocolate mix, a couple of boxes of apple cider, a bag of brownie mix, some pasta shells and crackers... Unfortunately, we got home too late to take part in the majority of the festivities and just got the left overs - and she left the mess for us to clean up too...

(The view of the dining room as we walked in.)

(Shatze and Roxy ate most all of the chocolate, but apparantly didn't take too
well the the tart taste of the apple cider.)

(Roxy's bed covered in chocolate footprints and hot chocolate foil packaging.)

(Obviously knows she's in trouble, and yet still trying to hide some evidence.)

(The kitchen floor covered in chocolate, dog slobber, and dog prints.)

(You can imagine our thoughts at 11pm...)

(The clean up sweep - you can see none of the chocolate powder was left [or came off the floor] and she ate all the wheat thins. Isn't this like drinking a diet coke with a double cheeseburger and chili fries?)

(The survivors: a few crackers, apple cider, one brownie mix,
and lemon-poppy seed muffin mix...)

Shatze has not done this in a long time...and never this big. And Roxy - her whiskers were completely covered in chocolate. Yes, we know dogs are allergic to chocolate... Shatze probably lost a few braincells considering she ate an entire large bag of miniature Reese's PB Cups a couple of years ago and just left me the foil. Roxy spent the evening throwing it up and then slept in her kennel. Shatze was quite proud of herself but has been regretting it a bit today as she's been really thirsty and trying to take a solid dump...

And to make matters worse, Shatze ate a pair of underwear the previous day (why she was locked downstairs) - just because she was bored.

We can't give her toys because she destroys and eats them in record time - including Kongs... And now, she's sucking on her hip...(refer to previous pet post).

In the News

2008-02-25T19:51:00.012-07:00

Today there was a murder-suicide at the AFB... It's all over the news, but the names have not been released...and will not until tomorrow evening, at the earliest, according to Air Force policy.

But I know who he is... This guy was crazy - absolutely crazy. I knew he was - I tried to tell people, but they wouldn't listen. They just shook their heads and said there was no way. He's too good of a guy...he couldn't do that. Leave him alone...

But he did - He waited until his wife left and then he killed them. In cold blood. He shot his own 8 year-old daughter and 4 year-old son. Then the coward shot himself.

He never faced justice for anything he did - people always let him off. And now when no one could save him from yet another situation he created, he shot himself. I'm sure to avoid justice.

You want my opinion why he didn't shoot the mom (but did the kids) even though he had access, was so mad at her, and wanted the kids in the divorce? Because he knew he couldn't have them and wanted her to suffer...

And tonight, she suffers... Not that listening to me now will do any good...

Tonight, I'm just beside myself - a multitude of emotions I don't quite have grasp of, currently summed up by, "angry, guilt-stricken, and broken." I wish I could interrogate him now...

Why can't people just listen to reason? And why do abused women keep coming back?
(These are rhetorical questions...please don't send me answer messages).

And this one goes out to Tonya... in Israel!

2008-02-19T08:53:00.012-07:00

A few weeks ago, I was "chatting" with Tonya via yahoo messenger - Isn't technology great!??!?! As we were discussing future plans for her and Brent's return to Oklahoma after about 6 months away, I did not realize I knew something Tonya didn't know...

As I made a solemn vow to Tonya that Kris and I (and whomever else wanted to go) would take her to the new Chipotle in Edmond (OKC metro) upon her return, Tonya lost her mind... For those of you who don't know, there is a large Chipotle following in Oklahoma who go out of their way to go to Chipotle every time they are in Texas.... No one had told Tonya they built a Chipotle in Edmond while she was gone! Even during the months of building - no one told her!

So I not only promised to take Tonya to a Chipotle in the OKC metro area, but also to take pictures and send her an electronic Chipotle meal...

Well, we forgot to take the camera when we went for the first time - so we had to make a second trip this Saturday night after Shabbot. (Saturday's are my diet cheat days).

So Tonya - this one goes out to you! Proof there is a Santa Claus - I mean Chipotle...in Edmond.

(Arrival...Chipotle by night)

(See, we didn't pull this picture off the internet, we were there!)

(Kris sends you a fajita burrito...see chipotle cup? Not a fake chipotle burrito!)

(I send you steak tacos - they were out of chicken...again. See, I also have a chipotle cup and paper...)

(Leaving...the Edmond Chipotle sign - in Hampton Village [whatever that is])

There you go Tonya - tacos and a burrito send to you with love...via internet travel.

Building my Body for Life - (Updated Weekly)

2008-02-12T07:46:00.032-07:00

Congratulations! You all are my accountability... I started a "new" diet/exercise plan about 2.5 weeks ago - it's a 12 week program called "Body For Life."

Each week, I'll update this with my progress - big time accountability, I know. Not that any of you would really hound me, but the fact that I have to publicly tell everyone...well, it will kinda take care of itself.

I'm not a big "cheater" when it comes to stuff like this; I'm usually really good when I've set my mind to something. However, I plan to do this for my 12 weeks and then maybe start another 12 week session depending on how it's going - and once I finish it once or even halfway, I start psyching myself out of how much time it's taking vs how much progress... But I'm losing body fat and building lean muscle!!!!

Ok, so here we go - Progress:
Week 01: -1.5 lbs
Week 02: -3 lbs (+ cardio levels .5 mph)
Week 03: +.5 lbs
Week 04: +/- 0 lbs (+ cardio levels .3 mph)
(The book says it is often about Week 7 before women's metabolism really kicks in and regulates [sigh] - starting to get a little discouraged)
Week 05: -1.5 lbs
Week 06: +/- 0 lbs
Week 07: - 1.0 lbs (+ cardio levels .2 mph)(pants, shirts, watch, & ring fit noticeably looser this week!)
Week 08: +/- 0 lbs
Week 09: -0.5 lbs
Week 10: +/- 0.0 lbs
Week 11: -1.5 lbs
Week 12: +1.o lbs (-7.5 lbs total)

She Really....Sucks?

2008-02-06T13:59:00.002-07:00

I've had Shatze for just over four years. She's big, she's scary....she's a big baby!

Shatze was a "pound puppy." Home from college, I happened to be visiting an old youth group friend who was doing some "community service" working at the local animal shelter. I walked around with him for awhile making him show me all the animals while telling me about his life. Finally at the end of the kennels, there was "Sweetie" (aka: Shatze). Emaciated and shaking, there was no eye contact to be made by this 40lb dog.

Shatze was an "owner surrender," meaning she was taken from her owner, but that's about all my friend knew about her. He thought he had heard something about a puppy mill and kennels, but didn't know for sure. She was sickly skinny, wouldn't eat, wouldn't allow any attention to her, and hid in the back corner of the kennel with her back turned and shaking if you came near her. Of course, I tried to coax her to let me pet her - thinking maybe she just needed a non-threatening small female. Ummm...no. I crawled partially into the kennel where Shatze became paralyzed with fear. She didn't growl or snap at me, just zoned out and shook - then started crying.

I slowly backed out of the kennel and turned to my friend for his thoughts on her. She intrigued me. As I stood there talking to him with my back turned to her, I started bouncing a tennis ball I found at some point - probably to relieve the awkwardness of this conversation after no communication for four years (and I didn't know him that well to begin with). I guess we didn't find it important to shut Shatze's kennel since she was fear-stricken at the sight of us, but none the less, the tennis ball didn't bounce back up when I dropped it the last time.

My friend started laughing and I turned around to see Shatze sitting in her kennel looking at me, chewing my tennis ball! Bah? So, I took it back - and did it again. Once I turned my back to her, she snuck out and took it again. We played this game for a while and she finally quit going back in her kennel - then I could throw it and she'd bring it back to an extent and leave it. There was a lot more to this dog... I fell in love with her...

That's when my friend told me they had contacted the closest Doberman Rescue and they couldn't come get her because of her health, temperament, and location. So, that day happened to be Shatze's last day...unless she was adopted. I didn't need another dog - I had a terrible one already. I had a red Doberman as a kid - she was my favorite dog....

Well, obviously I adopted her...and changed her name to Shatze. (The name"Sweetie" was just...lame - and with the knowledge she may have been abused/neglected, I thought it best to change it to something that may sound similar to her, but was new). My father informed me "Shatze" meant "sweetie" or "sweetheart" in German...and she's a German breed - done.

The ride home was horrible - she cried, whined, and paced in the backseat the entire time (and still does 4 years later). I took her to the vet - they thought she was about 3 years old and had obviously had a litter of puppies recently (she was 40lbs and all teets!)

The point of this blog? Long story short, Shatze has a weird mental...thing. She curls in a tight ball and sucks her hip to go to sleep.

She opens her mouth as wide as she can and places it over her hip (action shot).

The top of her mouth goes almost all the way over to her spine and her bottom jaw covers that entire side of her underbelly. Then she sucks on it and whines through her nose until I make her stop or she decides to fall asleep.

Then she goes to sleep and her side is covered in dog slobber... It's usually this side of her body, but she will do the other side if that is the only option.

I mentioned this to the vet who looked at her hips and said he couldn't find anything wrong and that it was probably a coping mechanism she adopted from living in a tiny kennel, being weened too early, or maybe both. He also stated she would probably outgrow it with a normal home...

It's been four years and people are still mesmerized watching her do this. She completely zones out - the only way I can really make her stop is to put my fingers in her mouth. She does it no more and no less than when I first adopted her....

She has, however, gained almost 30lbs and is very social/loyal 7 year-old(?) dog who acts younger than she is. She thinks she's a lap dog and wants tons of attention. Don't mess with me or my roommate though, because she has made her loyalty pretty clear at my soccer games where she barked and snarled at anyone on the opposing team who came near me, nearly breaking her leash...and the bleachers she was tied to.

Has anyone else ever seen a dog that does this? Just curious if there are any other common theories out there because it really is just weird.

Unemployed...(sigh)

2008-02-01T10:30:00.001-07:00

This week finds me unemployed - no-notice - that's what happens when you work kinda contract labor type stuff... One day they decide they can't afford labor and you're the one that gets cut - no notice, no benefits, no severance...

Except the crappy part of this was that I had about 3 months notice, but they stated they had gotten approval to extend me though November 2008...then they didn't follow through with the funding and told me two days after my "contract" had expired - so yeah, they owe me for a couple of days of work.

Now I'm job hunting (insert crappy tone of voice here). I applied for yet another position this morning - resume #11 sent out.

(sigh) What do I want to be when I grow up?

I've learned from my previous jobs that the things I thought I would really want to do when I was younger, I still have a desire to do (see #1 and 2 below). And the career paths I've developed as I've gotten older, I find to be unsatisfying, though they pay more. I've never been one to want a job just because it's "higher paying," but it seems that is what society tells you to do.

Of course there is a natural progression of career paths I can take from the experience gained in my current job, but I don't like the "benefits" and "benefits" are supposed to be "beneficial" right?

I don't know exactly what I want, but I do know that I don't want:
1. A 24-hour on-call schedule and an "electronic leash" (aka: company phone). When I leave work, I want to LEAVE work.
2. A job that does not pay overtime for regularly required 12-14 hour days
3. A job that involves weekends or shifts
4. A job that "requires" you to be away from home regularly
5. A job that "requires" you to move every 3-7 years

I think I might want to:
1. Teach/coach high school (everyone tells me this is ridiculous, though I think some are called)
2. Work in Health/Wellness/Fitness
3. Work for myself (doing what? I don't know).

Things I have been told that I will not consider:
1. Counseling
2. Police Officer

Things I said when I was younger, but also no longer consider:
1. Veterinarian (Didn't every kid say that?) I think I starting using this when people laughed at my #3...
2. A truck driver
3. American Gladiator (though they are making a come back)

Memories of Mammy - "Mammy Stories" and "Mammy Baths"

2008-01-26T18:00:00.002-07:00

I had just finished my freshman year of college and moved up North to Denton, TX for the summer where I took a job working at an amazing summer camp for the handicapped. My sister Wendi was graduating high school that year, so I drove back for the graduation ceremony.

Mammy had driven herself down and located the family before we all became lost in the sea of silver bleachers at the stadium. As we were sitting there, several old friends and lots of parents/teachers we knew came along to say hello and see what I was doing in my one year away from the small town - That's when Mammy decided to put her two cents in:

Let me also preface this post by saying - Mammy makes up a lot of stories in her head and believes them. We still haven't determined whether it's better to be a "favorite grandchild" or a "not-so favorite," because the stories are pretty bad either way...

As for me, I've always been a "favorite." I think mainly because I look like my father and therefore, that side of the family, and used to "help" on the farm when I was a kid to get out of the house. So I get "good stories." For example, at Wendi's graduation, (I was 19, almost 20) Mammy told everyone that the hardest part of me leaving the area and going to college was that I couldn't just go over to Mammy's house whenever I wanted my "Mammy baths." Yes, "Mammy Baths!" She proceeded to tell everyone about how I always wanted to go over to Mammy's house for one of her baths and that I did a lot in high school after I got my driver's license....she further implied she personally bathed me! I was mortified - I recall staying at her house as a kid and taking my first shower instead of a bath when I was about 2nd grade because I was convinced she might try to drown us... It was scary trying to figure out how to work the shower, etc , and praying I didn't flood the bathroom, but I was more scared of her drowning me - that's how serious the fear was!
So this was all really funny since most everyone realized this was too outlandish to even believe. So this was a "good" story I got...because it was meant to be "special."

Separate occasion, but let me give you an example of a "not-so favorite" story. Wendi happens to be a "not-so favorite" for whatever reason my grandmother made up - I think because she looks more like my mom's side of the family... One of her stories goes a little like this: "Wendi nursed from my mother until she was 14 years old," therefore my grandmother called her "titty baby" when we were kids! Now, is this true? Most definitely not - my other little sister Jamie wouldn't share! And since she's about 2 1/2 years younger than Wendi, I am confident Wendi was weaned way before 14. And I would have been 15 when Wendi was weened - I think I'd remember that! Mammy did call her "titty baby" when Wendi was about 12 - I do remember that, but it was because Wendi wanted my mom to come pick us up from Mammy's and not stay the night - wouldn't any kid in their right mind? Besides, if she's telling people Wendi nursed until 14, you can imagine how old Wendi had to be when Mammy is telling the story - beyond the age of reason. But none-the-less, that is Wendi's "Mammy story" - and Wendi loves it (insert sarcasm here)!

I can't recall Jamie really having "a story"...but then again, she's in the middle of "the favorites" and the "not-so favorites." Mammy just gripes Jamie was too young when she got married, though Jamie was the same age my grandmother was when she got married - and she was married for over 50 years... My brothers: They just get blamed for anything she can't find in her house - "those boys must have stolen it!" Basically, their shared story is that they are thieves (which is unfounded - and I'm sure b/c they are both adopted)...then she finds it 2 minutes later... Ah memories...

My "TV Boyfriend" - RIP

2008-01-22T17:47:00.001-07:00

I've never been one for TV/movie heroes, crushes, etc...but I've always said (at least the last 7 years or so) that if I had to have a "TV boyfriend," it would be Heath Ledger. Unfortunately, Heath passed away today at the age of 28.

Now I'm even "virtually" single... RIP, Heath.

The Great Deck of 2008

2008-01-21T13:26:00.000-07:00

On the 6th day it was complete and on the 7th day, they rested...

Kris' parents came down from Anchorage and stayed about a week and half with us. It was great to see them. I guess the last time we saw them was this summer in Montana for Kris' sister's wedding. Hopefully, we'll make a trip up to Alaska this summer to visit them.

While they were here, they orchestrated this massive undertaking of an idea I have been toying with for a couple of years. Let me back up a bit to fill you in: I jokingly invited them to come down for Thanksgiving and help me build a deck. They seriously agreed, but stated they'd visit in January instead of November. So in late October, I hired a guy to help me rip out my window to the backyard and put in a french door, since the back door was actually on the side of the house (in the kitchen) and the backyard is huge for being in the city.
After this project was complete, there was about a 3ft drop to the ground, as you can see Shatze clearly illustrating - just begging for the deck!

I took some measurements and mapped out my minimum and max deck sizes (for pricing estimates). Kris' parents started drawing up some plans and then arrived in January. We got to work (mainly Kris' parents while we were at work) and knocked it out in 5.5 days! Here's some pics!

Setting pier blocks and pavers - and the daunting task of leveling them b/c the ground sure wasn't level.Deciding how many levels b/c the ground wasn't level enough for the original plans.Terry starting the top level to the door. Threshold plus step included...Starting the deck top - composite redwood. (Cheaper than cedar in Oklahoma! Really!)

Friday afternoon - Terry finished the final 4 boards and sawed off the ends. Shatze was very curious where her grass went. Finished! - The deck crew, Jan 13-18, 2008!

To the Parents of Amber...

2008-01-05T15:43:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying this is more of a rant than anything...

Let me begin:
A couple of days ago I received ANOTHER student loan offer addressed "To the Parents of Amber..." This offer bothers me for a number of reasons:

1. I am not a child; I'm a 27 year-old adult.
2. I have already finished college...twice...where did you get my info recently?
3. My parents didn't pay for my college - nor did they fill out my student loan paperwork...
4. I own this house! My name is on the deed and taxes - do your research!

But sending this "To the Parents of Amber..." doesn't make me want to use your company - it's rather insulting - even if I was in college. I would still be an adult and could check my own mail and fill out my own paperwork - or you could at least really send it to my parents... What a horrible marketing idea...

Christmas Eve Games at Mammy's

2007-12-29T13:31:00.003-07:00

For all of you whom HAVE NOT heard my "Mammy stories," this will be the first of an epic story with chapters to be added about every holiday season... For those of you who HAVE heard some of the stories or if you are one of the true "Mammy Followers" who ask me for regular updates - this blog post's for you.

Christmas Eve 2007:
Let me preface this by saying "Mammy" is my father's mother and I was "fortunate" enough to miss the 2006 T-giving and Christmas Eve adventures by being on the Georgia coast for 5 months for job training. So it had been two full years since I had truly had a "Mammy Adventure," which wasn't long enough to my best friend Kris, who accompanied me for T-giving 2005 and I again drug along for Christmas Eve 2007...

Where to begin? Well, things were weird as usual and started to get really boring as we realized everyone brought spinach dip and crackers/chips to the "finger foods only" event. (We don't let Mammy cook anymore - this idea will be continued in a later blog to catch you up on Mammy stories...) This brings me to part one of this story:

Part 1: Show me the garage!
So I decide to go check out the garage and see if there are any new great stories to be had. And of course, there were. First we noticed the huge rat trap in a box of potatoes, set with a shelled pecan... I don't know, but we about peed our pants at the sight of it!

Then Kris, one of my cousins, and I decided to play a quick game called, "Find the oldest pull date." Within two minutes, my cousin had won with a bottle of Hickory BBQ sauce with "New flavor: Mesquite" pull dated 1987. Winner! I have attached a picture of MY find - there were four so I took one home as proof for all of you who have scoffed at my Mammy stories over the years! Marshmallow Creme, two different shades of color, and pull dated May 17, 1992. Enjoy. These were just in the front cabinets - we didn't even get to the back...

Then I snuck Kris out to the back garage to show her the home canning projects Mammy made that are now home science projects... More rat traps baited with shelled pecans, except these pecans were twisty-tied to the trap and the trap itself was tied to the nearest stationary item with rope...peed my pants again - and then scared Kris with the science projects in the back. (sorry, in the rush, we forgot the camera).

Shortly after we snuck back into the house, Mammy made the announcement that if we don't like our gifts we can exchange with each other this year. Why don't we just exchange them at the store you ask? Because they were all purchased in 1960-1970 and stored in the famous attic... So this brings me to part two of the story:

Part 2: My gift from Mammy
I got a ridiculous robe with 'almost' matching slippers, a pair of flip-flops Mammy only wore "a time or two" and decided she didn't like them, a small sewing kit, 2 aprons from the 60's with brown and orange flowers, 2 bags of rosemary spices that looked similar to pot, and a traveling clothes line with little clips that could easily be roach clips for my rosemary... so you can see how the rest of the evening went with me, Kris, my family and the jokes that ensued about my pot and roach clips from Mammy - and how much this little gift really explained... If only I had had some Zig Zags...

I've Arrived...

2007-12-26T21:45:00.000-07:00

So I finally created a "blog" - it's my first. Often I have thought to myself, "Self, this would be really funny to blog about - too bad you haven't created a blog yet - you better get on that - put it on your list of things to do...later." And so later has arrived during my time off for the holidays...and because it was snowing again today.

So I look forward to blogging with the best of them and keeping you all abreast of my many blog worthy moments - I hope you all will enjoy what is to come.